Make up a Smallville spoof

[Last Son of Vern]

Those are all fantastic!

Fly: Lex is back! Sort of. In this AU he is an eccentric scientist that shows Clark a set of "Telepods" he has invented. Clark tries to use them but becomes merged with a household fly when doing so. Although he is part fly, he still cannot fly.

All you need is a special guest role for Jeff Goldblum. ("help me -- help me....")

Okay, time for another batch in my effort to provide season-by-season plot desecrations for the entire show:

The Unseen Seasons, Edition 4

Curvegrade: Cat Grant investigates Metropolis University's policy of awarding accelerated degrees, which threatens to taint the credentials of two Planet reporters.

Goon: The Blur's efforts to shut down the Fratelli faction of Intergang are hampered by the interference of a group of misfit kids searching for pirate treasure.

Faxed: Lois gets kidnapped at sea and uses her knowledge of global coordinates to call for help.

Devolved: Something is causing the residents of Metropolis to revert to synthetic new wave fashion and jerky, choreographed movements. Special appearance by Mark Mothersbaugh.

Hun: A flashback reveals Dr. Knox's good old days as a conqueror in Eastern Europe.

Transparence: An Amazon artifact, thought to be a type of flying machine, is discovered, made of a metal that distorts light waves.

Jinkies: Velma Dinkley is hired to help run Watchtower.

Spiel: Chloe returns to give Tess lessons in exposition.

Boingo: Oliver and Tess are again shipwrecked on an island, and pass the time by learning to craft their own musical instruments. Score by guest composer Danny Elfman.

Unsound: Oliver's ability to operate as Green Arrow is hampered by spectators questioning why he continues to do that funny voice gadget thing.

Piranha: A.C. will give his left hand to save the ocean from its enemies.

Recuse: Clark is put on trial, with Pete's mom presiding.

Carptoe: Mera develops an allergic reaction after her pedicure.

Suckered: Early spoilers indicate that in this episode, Clark will fly and become Superman! Michael Rosenbaum will return as Lex Luthor! Aaron Ashmore will return as James Bartholemew Olsen! Clark and Lois will get married in a double ceremony with Chloe and Oliver! The full Justice League will be present, with special guest appearances by Christian Bale as Batman and Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern! On a related note, we have some beachfront real estate for sale in Kansas....

Lucci: Tess gets an unexpected visit from her business mentor, Erica Kane.

Oinks: Clark unwittingly offends Zatanna's aquaintance Circe and becomes the Red-Blue Boar.

Spearmint: Mia again steals Oliver's car after running out of gum.

Blech: Lois takes another shot at cooking.

Edgeless: With Morgan Edge nowhere in sight, Bruno Mannheim rises to the top of Intergang.

Falafel: After running out of arrowheads and getting hungry in battle, Oliver tries to solve two problems by experimenting with edible trick ammunition.

Mincemeat: A construction crew accidentally digs up Doomsday.

[xrayvision]

A Ben Don'ed (Abandoned): After paying Ben Hubbard to work on the back 40 of the Kent Farm & spending much of his time in Metropolis, Clark returns & finds Ben as having been crowned the Don of the local crime family in Smallville & embezzling money & transporting drugs in his cows.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

A Pack 'a Lips (Apocalypse): This is part 2 of A Ben Don'ed when Ben starts chopping off the lips of the potential stool pigeons who would rat out his operation.

----- Added 6 Minutes later -----

Sleeker (Sleeper): Clark Luthor & Lex have a pissing contest of who's sportscar is faster, better & sleeker.

----- Added 7 Minutes later -----

Steeper (Sleeper): Lex adds on another 50 floors to Luthorcorp Plaza so Lionel's fall out the window will be even steeper.

----- Added 9 Minutes later -----

I'm pretty sure I did a version of this before, but here it goes:

Peeper (Sleeper): Clark uses his x-ray vision & telescope to peep the neighborhood women. But when he finds out Lex has been using his telescope on the Kent livestock, he sobers up & stops peeping.

----- Added 12 Minutes later -----

D-cent (Descent): Lex becomes obsessed with Denver-mint pennies and decides to hoard them all to make them priceless.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Whorever (Forever): Dawn Ostroff shows up & wants to "whore" up Smallville. Unfortunately for her, Clark gains freezing superbreath in this episode & freezes her into an ice statue & has her placed to forever preserve her in the FoS.

[xrayvision]

Huss (Hug): This is the episode where the former WWF wrestler The Berzerker (John Nord) shows up and like his name goes berzerk & starts stabbing everyone & everything with his sword. When he goes to the Metropolis coffee shop & they ask to take his order, he just yells his famous catchphrase "Huss" and impales the guy with his sword. Clark tries to stop him, but his shield is covered with kryptonite & he throws Clark off the roof of the Daily Planet & as usual, wins by countout.



Huss! Huss! Huss!

[Last Son of Vern]

The Unwatched Seasons, V. V

Arf-El: Shelby is the first to notice Clark's strange, doglike behavior after exposure to Kryptonite type K-9.

Morton: Intergang's new agent, Captain Cold, threatens to cut off the city's rock salt supply during a freak snowstorm.

Heidi: Clark and Lois investigate the history behind why their show gets pre-empted when a sports event runs long.

Agra: "Son, you were put here for a reason." Jor-El tests Clark by forcing him to spend a day doing actual farm chores.

Hearst: The Daily Planet gets sold.

ExPost: Under the new VRA, Clark is prosecuted for his actions while in high school.

Spinster: Now free of Zod's tyranny, Tess sees her altered future.

Solidfood: Doomsday is forced to live lean for a day after a visit to the oral surgeon.

TessMess: Various plot and character sources for Tess's origin collide, leading to a timeline crisis.

Frenetic: Clark is forced to deal with the fallout of Lois being denied her afternoon coffee.

Smackdown: The Phantom Zoners return with a challenge to Clark: Jump ship to our network and take us on in a WWE ring.

Reconning: Clark finally learns to check buildings for Kryptonite before bursting in to the rescue.

Vegans: After spotting the Greek letter on Slade's head, Clark mistakenly pursues the Omega Men from the Vegan system. His confusion is further compounded by local citizens who refuse to consume animal products.

Thumb: In this reimagining of a classic Lois & Clark story, Annette Westman, a former Smallville High classmate Clark once stood up on a date to save people, takes her revenge for his "secrets and lies" using stolen Coluan technology to bring Clark down to size, forcing him to spend his romantic evening with Lois as a passenger inside her purse.

Cryog: After a hot summer day, Lois goes to the fortress to take a nap and wakes up in the 31st century without a Legion ring.

Hypochondriac: Burned out by the constant threat of Kryptonite around every corner, Clark begins making excessive calls to Emil.

Voiced: A Smallville animated special.

Frag-El: Guest appearance by Lobo.

Mersey: Life goes on day after day....

Fab: The Justice League seeks help from across the pond to stop an invasion by Blue Meanies.

Oreck: Tess takes drastic measures after the failure of Watchtower's automated self-cleaning system.

Kessel: Clark discovers that Earth's "spices" are coveted by pirates from a galaxy far, far away....

[xrayvision]

Rex (Red): Rex Ryan of the NY Jets guest stars as Rex Arnold, son of Coach Walt Arnold from Hothead who's back in Smallville to get revenge on Clark for causing his father to commit shower-room flaming suicide.

[fantom zoner]

Pet Riot (Patriot)- The dog actors guild go on a riot due to the horrendous acts done to Shelby (starvation, cutting out his scens, etc')

[xrayvision]

LOL!!!

I had a Cat Riot and Pot Riot on the previous page.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Patriots (Patriot): In a further attempt to get more 18-34 female viewers, Dawn Ostroff blows the rest of the network's budget by getting Tom Brady to appear 95% nude on Smallville and have him steal Lois, Tess, Cat Grant, Chloe, and any other female Clark has a shot with from him. As a result, we as Smallville fans are forced to watch those vertical rainbow "off the air" lines for the rest of the season, where the series finale will be all lines but the red, yellow & blues ones disappearing so that the red, yellow & blue lines can fly around to show that Clark finally has flown as Superman.

[fantom zoner]

LOL!!!

I had a Cat Riot and Pot Riot on the previous page.

I probably missed yours in the previous page.

Patriots (Patriot): In a further attempt to get more 18-34 female viewers, Dawn Ostroff blows the rest of the network's budget by getting Tom Brady to appear 95% nude on Smallville and have him steal Lois, Tess, Cat Grant, Chloe, and any other female Clark has a shot with from him. As a result, we as Smallville fans are forced to watch those vertical rainbow "off the air" lines for the rest of the season, where the series finale will be all lines but the red, yellow & blues ones disappearing so that the red, yellow & blue lines can fly around to show that Clark finally has flown as Superman.

First let me say, I'd take naked Tom Welling over Tom Brady (or any other guy for that matter), any day . Also, I thought that was why Oliver Queen was there

[Last Son of Vern]

Icarus -- Borne on Wings of Spoof

Incubus: Lois is pursued by a demon desperate to work one last romantic triangle into the show.

Iraquis: The government tries to recruit Clark to go to the mideast.

Iroquois: Clark discovers that the Kawatche's ancestors were not native to Kansas but came from a place far away -- Upstate New York.

Ichabod: Clark's latest foe doesn't seem to have much of a head on his shoulders.

Ickythump: Zan and Jayna face their Bizarro selves, played by Jack and Meg White.

Vicars: Clark must save a religious convention from Darkseid.

Vicarious: The real Superman becomes unstuck in the Multiverse and forced to watch endless alternate versions of himself growing up on Smallville.

Lavoris: Davis tries to win back Chloe by switching his mouthwash.

Daquiris: Lois finds a substitute for her elusive afternoon coffee.

[xrayvision]

Dicks 'R Us (Icarus): Clark has to go to a costume party dressed up as someone who's a dick. So he goes to a new shop called Dicks 'R Us & finds costumes for all sorts of characters from Supernatural, including Zachariah, Uriel, 2014 Dean, Crowley, Soulless Sam, and many others. Unfortunately, unknown to him, the costumes give him the powers of the actual characters of the show. So when Clark goes as Zachariah, he finds himself burning the eyes out of the other guests at the party & hitting on MILFs like Nell while torturing the Alexander clone by giving him stomach cancer at his own will. He resurrects Jimmy with his angel powers & makes him, Lex, and Pete work at a corporation with a mundane life much like Office Space.

----- Added 25 Minutes later -----

Glut Thor (Luthor): Clark picks up a hammer he finds in the barn that he hadn't seen before & is all of a sudden given the powers of a god. He does research & finds out that he has been graced by the powers of Glut Thor---the Assgardian warrior. Clark has the power to put a piece of coal between his "cheeks" & turn it into a diamond. Unfortunately for Lois, she'll never know where her diamond wedding ring came from. Clark's gluteus maximus is so powerful that when he goes to take a dump, it comes out as powder. Chloe, who recently watched the movie Confidence shows up & talks about Clark's Kryptonian muscle ass. From this point on, Clark must avoid eating beans to prevent causing a new record of 30.0 on the Richter Scale.

----- Added 29 Minutes later -----

Glut Whore (Luthor): This is a retrospective of what happened to various Smallville characters who went to jail/prison & dropped the Jorel. Gorilla Grod makes many appearances in this one. We find out that the Joker passed through Smallville in this episode & became a reformed citizen. Nuff said.

----- Added 34 Minutes later -----

Glut Sore (Luthor): This is a retrospective of all the ass-kickings that Clark Kent has taken, including getting beaten up by Super-Jonathan, getting belted on the ass by Lionel, getting beaten up by Titan, getting his ass handed to him by Aldar, getting thrown around by Zor-El, getting punched into oblivion by Lexzod, getting beaten up while powerless by Eric Summers, and getting fist-gored by Doomsday.

----- Added 39 Minutes later -----

Glut Roar (Luthor): Clark finds out that he gets the powers to fart like no human could ever do & make sonic booms come out of his ass. Once he acquires this power, he starts acting a lot more like Peter Griffin from Family Guy & makes Lois Lane more like Lois Griffin. Clark knocks up Lois & they have a baby who can miraculously talk & has a strange fixation on killing his mother. Unfortunately for Clark, the first hair that pops up on his son's head is red.

[Last Son of Vern]

Lil'Uther: Clark goes back in time to the British Isles, where his personality and fashion sense influence some Celts before the birth of Merlin, explaining some of the many continuity similarities in a certain BBC show.

[Last Son of Vern]

The Unnoticed Seasons, Batch 6

Zoo: Clark discovers a stash of alien creatures displaced by Brainiac and sets up a shelter at the Fortress.

Wheeze: Lois has a dream about her future child, a chronic asthma patient named Jason.

Smithers: Lionel hires a new BFF.

Quero: Clark hires The Question to help locate his missing Gorditas.

RedOnion: Lois attempts to order her own sandwich at Subway. Hilarity ensues.

Falloff: Clark attempts to fly around the world backwards, only to discover the world is flat.

Reggae: Jeff puts on an enchanted hemp necklace and becomes possessed by Rasta Fari.

Spastic: Bart takes a bet and attempts to sit still for an entire hour.

SubTransylvanian: A buried man, rescued in Europe, turns out to be Green Arrow's new nemesis, Count Vertigo. The source of his hypnotic dizziness power: He's a vampire. (Hello ratings!)

Hideyho: Clark faces the challenge of maintaining his secret around new neighbors who are neighborly.

Festus: Oliver learns his ancestor, a deputy, also had pretty decent aim.

Lavarinse: Our heroes attempt to remove their Suicide Squad tattoos through thorough cleansing.

Krimson: The Justice League appoints legendary guitar hero Robert Fripp as its new leader, and adopts the strategy of frequently breaking up and reorganizing under new formats to confuse the enemy.

Presspass: Clark gains another useful ability.

Free!: Clark accidentally releases Zod from the Phantom Zone.

Premise: Plot of episode yet to be determined.

Compost: Shelby goes exploring for food, with messy results.

ProGenY: The Planet faces tough competition from a news blog. (Inspired by Superman #706.)

NotMySis: Lex returns and tells Tess she's been lied to about her past.

Noor: Clark must protect a visiting queen from Jordan.

Linotype: The Planet is forced to dig out retro technology after the offset press breaks down.

Phantasm: Andrea Rojas is revealed to be a pseudonym for Andrea Beaumont.

[Last Son of Vern]

The Unregarded Seasons, No. 7

Figaro: Clark's new clone has a really good singing voice. Meanwhile, fugitive Oliver takes a job as a barber under the name of William Tell.

Karo: The corn business returns to Smallville, sort of.

Fyers: Ollie gets a new pal.

Keyer: The hunt is on to find the person who vandalized Chloe's new Toyota.

Acton: Clark studies British historical quotes to learn that his powers are what make him impure against Darkseid.

Lehrer: The Justice League strike back against VRA propaganda by appearing on public television.

Wreath: In this holiday episode, Clark turns ill due to Kryptonite-infused decorations.

Bleu: Clark tracks down Lex working as a chef in France.

Jiminy: Jor-El revives Henry Olsen to serve as Clark's conscience.

Persimmon: A strange fruit gives people super powers. Everyone except Clark flies in this episode.

Sirin': Tess goes on a quest to discover just how many kids Lionel had.

Rapture: John Jones goes insane and begins eating cars, bars and guitars. Guest starring Deborah Harry.

Hiro: A Japanese kid invents a giant Blur/Arrow robot.

Cavalier: Clark takes on the mad musketeer, who naturally has a Kryptonite feather in his hat. Fortunately, Lois is around to defeat him, since he is incapable of fighting girls.

Gravitas: Tess discovers her birth resulted from Lionel’s involvement in a secret fraternal organization that required him to be very "active."

Decent: Clark discovers Neon Avocado Kryptonite, which causes him to speak in 1970s catchphrases.

Slipper: Clark has a wonderful evening with Lois, but fails to return to the Fortress by midnight.

Puckerlips: The water supply is tainted with Lemon Kryptonite.

?uest: Guest starring the Roots Crew!

Heartache: John’s Oreo stash gets destroyed in a fire.

[xrayvision]

Saran (Siren): Clark builds his first Blur suit by wrapping himself in Saran Wrap. Unfortunately about 100 more people find out his identity.

Taz 'R Us (Lazarus): After watching a Tazmanian Devil marathon, Clark goes to a specialty store that's centered on the Tazmanian Devil. He gets himself a Taz costume and uses his superspeed & superspinning to run through town, demolishing everything in his path. Everyone becomes convinced that the Tazmanian Devil is not just a cartoon but a real person.

Pie Arse (Fierce): Clark had left out his pie to cool off so that after a hard day's work he can sit down & enjoy the crusty, fruit-filled, goodness. Unfortunately for him, he comes home & finds a butt-print on his pie. So now, being more motivated than ever, he takes his sat-on pie & superspeeds all over Kansas until he finds Alexander in Edge City with pie all over his pants where his butt is. Clark heatvisions him to death, only for the real Lex to emerge all pissed off because he wanted to kill Alexander. Clark takes his ass pie & throws it at Lex's face, who gets fuming mad.

[ReignoftheSupermen]

Spent (Kent) - After finally marrying Clark, Lois goes on mad spending spree, maxing out all of his credit cards. The Blur becomes a criminal and begins robbing banks and ATMs, just to keep up with Lois's spending.

----- Added 53 Seconds later -----

Booster Golden Girls (Booster) - After failing in his attempt to take over Superman's destiny, Booster has to give up his life of fame and hot chicks and start dating Betty White.