Pirates of the Caribbean fic

[Torgo]

This is a story I wrote almost straight after seeing World's End. I figured that rather than follow that film directly and have Jack searching for The Fountain of Youth, I'd set the story several years after that adventure took place.

Therein Lies a Tale

Chapter 1

“Is there actually a reason these people are trying to kill you, or does some basic human instinct just take over whenever you’re around?” asked Elizabeth Turner, ducking a wild sword cut that would have taken her head off. Sliding her sword over that of her opponent’s, she disarmed him in an instant before catching him with a swift kick in the groin. Jack Sparrow winced in sympathy as he clashed swords with an opponent of his own.

“Does it really matter?” asked Jack, offering her a smile before forcing his adversary back with a series of aggressive thrusts.

“Well, it might help me decide whether I should be helping you or helping them,” said Liz, groaning as reinforcements appeared from an alleyway. What the guards lacked in skill they were in danger of making up in enthusiasm.

“Back to back,” said Jack quickly, swinging his elbow wildly and knocking a random guard’s teeth out. “Whatever you do, stay with me.”

Placing her back against Jack’s, they edged around slowly as the guards advanced. Typical of Jack to land her in this mess. Since they’d met last, her life had been blessedly peaceful. At times, a little dull perhaps, but she had her son, and that was all she needed. That and the fact that each passing day brought her closer to being reunited with her husband.

Always assuming, of course, Jack Sparrow wasn’t about to get her killed. Blocking a cut, she immediately countered with a riposte, resisting the urge to move her feet. Footwork was an important part of swordsmanship, as Will had taught her, but Jack had told her to stay with him.

Except she couldn’t feel Jack against her anymore. After disarming her opponent she risked looking around and saw Jack retreating off into the night. Typical! Blocking strikes left and right she spun on her heel and followed.

“What happened to staying together?” she asked as she caught up. Jack’s unique running style did little to actually improve his speed.

“I had to improvise,” said Jack, steering them down an alley. His keen eyes, alert for a means of escape, caught sight of a rope hanging from a nearby building. “To the rooftops!”

Leaping dramatically, he caught the end of the rope and awkwardly climbed up, reaching down to help Elizabeth. Once that was done, he neatly snipped the rope with the tip of his sword, waving cheerfully at the guards below.

“How do you plan to catch me now, eh?”

After only a moment’s pause, the captain of the guard stepped forward, neatly drew his pistol, and proceeded to blow a hole in Jack’s hat.

“Bugger!” said Jack, catching his hat and charging across the rooftops. Liz sprinted past him and leapt across to a building on the other side.

“This way!” she ordered, not caring if Jack followed. Her son was in this direction, and there was no way she was leaving him behind. She’d have to lose the guards before she got to him though. Diving to the ground, she rolled as she landed, picking a direction to run in at random before ducking into the shadows. From the corner of her eye, she could see the guards running past in pursuit of Jack ‘Stealth is not my specialty’ Sparrow. Well, whatever was going on was his own fault, and he’d just have to deal with it on his own. She was just going to get her son and get out of here.

The tavern she’d left him at was one of the less seedy in town, and she trusted the owner enough that she’d left her son in his care. Young William Turner the Third hugged her as she arrived back. She felt a little guilty about Jack, but knew he could handle himself. She had responsibilities now; she was all Will had in the world, since his father was Captain of the Dutchman. Will was seven now, almost eight, and already looking forward to the day he would meet his father for the first time.

“Come on, Will, we have to get out of town for awhile.”

“Leaving already? And ‘ere was I hoping we could catch up a little.”

Grimacing, she turned to see Captain Jack Sparrow propped up against the wall, arms folded, composed as if he hadn’t been running for his life mere moments ago.

“You haven’t changed, Jack. Although the grey in your hair tells me you never found the fountain of youth.”

“Heard about that, did you? It’s not a very good story. At least, not the way Hector tells it. My version’s a bit better,” said Jack, pulling his long hair up to his eyes and inspecting it closely for signs of grey.

“Does yours have sea turtles?” asked Liz, sitting down and hoisting Will onto her knee.

“Terrapins specifically,” said Jack, signalling the barman.

“Well, the only story I’m interested right now is the one where you explain why those guards were after you.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to concern you with my trifling worries,” said Jack, looking content as the barman passed him a mug. “Besides, you’re not the only one going to be leaving town. I must make, if not actual haste, then something at least approaching a…”

“Yes, you seem to be rather good at running away,” snapped Elizabeth. Jack could have gotten her killed leaving her back exposed like that.

“I’m a merciful man,” said Jack cheerfully. “Wouldn’t want all those poor men getting hurt just because they have misguided orders to catch Wicked Jack. Aren’t you going to introduce me to the little one?”

“Captain Jack Sparrow, meet William Turner the Third. William, meet Captain Jack.”

“Are you drunk?” asked Will, looking at Jack keenly.

“Stupid question,” said Elizabeth, touching Will’s nose with her finger affectionately.

“Has his father’s eyes. Cute kid, but he’ll never make a mark on the world with a name like Will. Jack, now that’s a good piratey name…” Jack trailed off as he noticed a guard entering the establishment. Liz almost laughed as Jack’s head tried to retreat into his body. “And now, if we’re all done here, I think I shall graciously escort the two of you to the town gates.”

“Town gates?” asked Liz, placing Will down on the floor. “Aren’t you leaving by ship?”

“Ultimately, but I have some pressing business on land ‘fore I take my leave,” said Jack, holding his hat in front of his face. He used the hole the pistol had made to try to peek through at the guard.

“Does this have to do with why you were being chased?” asked Liz, tiptoeing after Jack. She placed her hands on Will’s shoulders to steer him in the direction she wanted, using the crowd to slip past the guard.

“Yup,” said Jack, sidestepping in a manner he probably thought was inconspicuous, but was actually drawing more attention to himself. Just as the guard turned, Jack snuck out the door with Liz and Will close behind. Liz sighed. Her curiosity was getting the better of her.

“Alright, how about you tell me what’s going on here?” she asked through the corner of her mouth.

“Ah,” said Jack, beaming and putting his arm around her shoulders. “Now therein lies a tale.”

Chapter 2

The Captain of the guards refused to be intimidated by the glare of the tiny woman in front of him. They had walked across to the battlements of the fortress, where cannons sat awaiting any who might foolishly try to invade. He intensely resented the fact that this mere slip of a girl had somehow come to influence The Governor, and therefore the guards. He had far better things to do than listen to the woman bark at him for failing to apprehend Jack Sparrow.

He was therefore surprised when she smiled sweetly at him as he broke the news.

“Oh well. My own silly fault, really,” said the dark-haired lady. He knew her name was Christabella, but beyond that he knew little of her. Other than the fact that she acted on the authority of The Governor. “I suppose it’s just a simple fact of life. Birds fly, fish swim, and Captain Jack eludes town guards. But no proud Hawk or Eagle is he, just a tiny… Sparrow.”

She giggled as she finished, and the Captain shifted uncomfortably. The woman was mad. What was The Governor thinking of?

“My lady?” he asked as she fell silent.

“Tell me, Captain, do you know what it means to have power?”

“I understand the principle, my lady,” he answered carefully.

“Stick your head in that cannon, Captain.”

The Captain flinched. The woman WAS mad!

“My lady, I assure you…”

Against his own will, his mouth shut. He looked at the woman fearfully, before his legs took him over to the cannon, his body merely a case. Lady Christabella’s hands moved as though pulling the strings of a puppet. A witch! The woman was a witch! No wonder The Governor put up with her. He’d fallen under her spell. He had to get free, to warn…

His eye pressed against the front of the cannon.

“Let me guess,” said Christabella softly. “Before he made good his escape, he told you that you would always remember this as the day when you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.”

The captain nodded, though his head barely moved. It felt as if something was holding it in place. He could barely see from the corner of his eye, but he thought fire had appeared in the woman’s hand. She touched a finger to the fuse at the end of the cannon.

“Then be thankful, Captain, that you will not have to remember it for very long.”

888

“You’ll need to bribe the guards if you want to get through the gate,” said Captain Jack as they entered a courtyard. Elizabeth planned to hire a coach to take them to the next town over. She could walk it just fine, but it was a good few days journey, and she didn’t want William to have to travel so far on foot. He certainly seemed excited though, as if they were taking part in an adventure like his father.

“I’ll need to bribe the guards?” asked Elizabeth coolly.

“Well, yes love. You see, I would bribe the guards myself, but I am, by way of being a pirate, not one who carries bounty on my good person, and as such have no coin with which to instigate the aforementioned bribe. Therefore, it falls to…”

“Yes, yes, alright,” muttered Elizabeth. “I think I have enough on me to still be able to hire a coach.”

She considered for a moment asking Jack to do the hiring, before realising that would involve her actually trusting him with her money.

“Look after William for a moment while I take care of things,” she said. She should surely be able to trust him to do that much… Maybe she should do this quickly…

It was a great relief when she got back and they were both still there.

“You haven’t joined Captain Jack’s crew then?” she asked William.

“Boy’s a landlubber,” said Jack accusingly. “Never been at sea a day in his life, I’d wager. That settles it: once this business is over, the two of you are coming with me on The Pearl. Soon get your sea legs, lad. Of course, first I have to actually get The Pearl back…”

“You lost The Pearl?” asked Elizabeth.

“Well… not lost, exactly,” said Jack defensively. “Hector sort of… borrowed it for awhile. Again. Could have stopped him, of course, but he’s old. Hip’s bad. Felt sorry for ‘im.”

“Right.”

“Uncle Jack talks funny,” said William. Elizabeth ground her teeth. Her son seemed to be enjoying Jack’s company more than she liked.

“Captain Uncle Jack,” corrected Jack softly.

“I’m glad you two are… getting along so well,” said Elizabeth. “However, this is where we part ways. It was nice seeing you again… but I’ve left that kind of life behind, Jack.”

“Captain Jack,” said Jack, raising his index finger.

“I’m sorry. You’re dangerous company. If it was just me, it wouldn’t be a problem…”

“Sure, sure. Never mind that I saved your husband’s life and all. Too dangerous. Well. Nice catching up with you. Nice meeting you, lad. I’m sure the walk will do me good. I do a lot of walking on my ship. Very enjoyable, walking.”

“Yes, all the way to where the rum’s stored and back to your cabin, I bet,” said Elizabeth, taking William’s hand and turning away.

“Of course, going on foot… by the time I get there, it could be too late,” said Jack, almost as if to himself.

“Too late for what?” asked Elizabeth, cursing herself for asking.

“Should have listened to my tale, love. What could possibly bring Captain Jack Sparrow back to land?”

“Rum. Women. Rum.”

“A friend,” said Jack as if nothing had been said. “A friend in need.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s Mr Gibbs. While I was off looking for the fountain of youth, Gibbs got old. He’s dying, love.”

“Jack… I’m sorry… but…”

“’Cept, I have on my person the one thing which might be able to save him.”

“And what would that be?”

Jack beamed at her.

“I found the Fountain of Youth.”

Chapter 3
There wasn’t a great deal of room in the back of the coach, but the three of them piled in anyway. Liz did consider for a moment asking Sparrow to ride on top, but changed her mind. Leaving the circumstances aside, it was sort of good to see him again. Sitting opposite her and William, he looked decidedly uncomfortable, rather like a big cat in a small cage.

“This is all very… noble of you, Jack,” she said slowly. “Question is, what’s in it for you?”

Jack had the gall to look offended.

“Why, the knowledge that I did all I could to save the life of a good friend, of course,” he replied.

“Uh-huh.”

“What? I gave up my last chance at immortality to save William didn’t I? Your father, lad,” he added, as though William the Third might not have been capable of deducing this for himself.

“Gave up? You mean…”

“Only managed to get away with enough for one,” said Jack. “That’s why I am as you see me now. I need to use the water from the fountain to restore Mr Gibbs.”

“Very… selfless of you,” said Liz.

“Well, Gibbs was one of the only people who came to the locker to save me, rather than use me,” said Jack. “Figured I’d repay the debt.”

He peered outside of the window suddenly, and a grimace, not unlike those he saved for Jack the monkey, appeared on his face. “I think that bird’s watching me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Liz, settling back and trying to make herself comfortable. An overpowering smell of rum filled the enclosed area, which didn’t help matters.

“Don’t like the eye it’s giving me at all,” he said. Elizabeth caught a glimpse of it as the coach went past, perched on a tree, turning it’s head as they did.

“Probably because it’s a relative of yours,” she said.

“Eh?”

“It’s a sparrow,” explained William. “It looks pretty.”

“A distant relative then,” snorted Liz. “So, come on. How about you tell us this story of yours? The version suitable for children, keeping in mind present company.”

“I’m glad you asked,” said Jack. “I ended up back in Tortuga after we parted ways. After I… acquired a map detailing the location of the fountain in question, the fountain of youth, I prepared to make sail. Unfortunately Barbossa wanted to get his own greasy meathooks on said legendary water, and stole my ship in order to get it. But without the map, he wasn’t bloody likely to find it. But without a ship, I was reduced to finding another means of transport. Using the bond the sea and I share, I summoned two terrapins to come to my aid…”

“Fresh water,” said William suddenly.

“What’s that, lad?”

“Terrapins live in fresh water. Why would they be at sea?”

“Ah, now therein lies a tale…” began Jack without missing a beat.

“I think the abridged version of this story might do, Captain,” Liz interrupted.

“We’ll get to it,” said Jack, sounding disappointed. “But really, I’m more interested in you. What have you been up to all this time, Pirate King?”

“I’m that in name only,” said Liz. “Pirates don’t want to be ordered around, and I’ve no mind to order them. They’re only too happy to be left alone. I’ve been raising William and doing honest work, where I can get it. ”

“No man in your life then?” asked Jack with a raised eyebrow.

“There is a man in my life, in fact,” said Liz coldly. “His name is William Turner, and in about two years time the curse on him will be broken when he returns to land to find me waiting for him.”

“Of course,” smiled Jack. “Got to be all kinds of loopholes in that one, though. For instance…”

“And why, exactly, would I be looking for loopholes?”

Jack shrugged.

“Well, if you were writing a book…”

Elizabeth finally tired and Jack’s ramblings and began to feign sleep. It wasn’t too long until she stopped pretending and slumbered for real, awakening feeling refreshed (if slightly stiff) and in a much better mood. She found herself regretting being so cold with Jack. Before long they had arrived at their destination, a small town inland possessing an impressive array of…

Sparrows.

“I don’t like the way those birds are looking at me,” said Jack as they stood staring up at the archway at the front of the town. A line of sparrows sat perched along the top of it. Elizabeth suppressed a small shudder. There was something more to all this than she knew. What could bring Captain Jack Sparrow back to land, he’d asked her.

Trouble, that’s what.

Jack raised his pistol and shot into the air, scattering the birds. William, to her surprise, barely flinched.

“Well then, thanks for seeing me to my destination…”

“I want to see Mr Gibbs, Captain.”

“Er, sure,” said Jack, licking his lips. “But I warn you, he’s on death’s door. Might say or do anything. Unpredictable.”

Jack led the way, rather slowly given the apparent urgency of his visit. Elizabeth was getting a bad feeling about all of this. She kept William close to her, and kept imagining sparrows at every turn. Eventually stopping at a small house, Jack rapped on the door.

“No need to get up, Mr Gibbs,” declared Jack loudly. “We’ll let ourselves in. Wouldn’t want you straining yourself with you BEING ON DEATH’S DOOR and such.”

Pausing for a moment, Jack cautiously pushed the door open, which Elizabeth found very strange. Someone like Gibbs wouldn’t leave his door unlocked unless…

“Er… Captain…” said Gibbs, entering the hall looking distinctly nervous. And also, Elizabeth wasn’t entirely surprised to see, apparently in perfect health. A few more age lines than when she’d seen him last, but hardly dying.

“Mr Gibbs!” declared Jack, hugging him unconvincingly. “It’s a miracle!”

“Captain, you have to…”

“Thought I’d lost you there for awhile, me old mate, but…”

“Really, Captain, I…”

Jack finally paused as he heard a pistol being cocked in his direction. Liz quickly pushed William out of the way, hoping the man in the kitchen hadn’t seen him. She, Jack and Gibbs were ushered inside. The man, dressed in fine blue cloth, sat sipping from a mug of beer. Obviously Gibbs’, beer, since he looked scandalized.

Jack quickly took a seat opposite him.

“And you would be…?”

“My name is Greg, Mister Sparrow. The Lady Christabella sends me with her regards.”

Jack’s eyes widened. He even forgot to correct the title given to him.

“Most women are content with a slap,” said Elizabeth, moving alongside Jack. She hoped William had the sense to get out of here. She was vaguely aware that her own best hope was for Greg to shoot Jack and for her lunge at him as he did. “I suggest the woman must have issues if she’s taken to sending someone to shoot him.”

“You are aware of course,” said Jack, rallying magnificently, “that the Lady Christabella is, in fact, a witch? And that as such, she can control people’s minds?”

“Only the weak-willed,” replied Greg, taking a sip of beer. “If you think she’s controlling me, you are sadly mistaken. I’m in this for the money.”

“How much money?” asked Jack, leaning forwards.

“Well… two hundred,” said Greg.

“Should have held out for more. That sounds to me like a teeny-tiny bit of weakness in the old willpower department. Maybe enough for a witch to…”

Greg slammed his palm against the table.

“Nice try, Jack, but your tricks won’t work on me…”

“It’s captain…” began Jack.

“It’s bloody whatever I say it is as long as I’m the one with the gun in my hand,” said Greg, flushing red. “Now hand over the water from the fountain of youth and this whole unpleasant affair can be concluded.”

Jack made a show of patting his clothes.

“Ah, now there we have a bit of a problem. You see, regrettably, I don’t actually have the water here. But, if you’d like to take my lovely wife hostage…”

“What!?” protested Elizabeth.

“Wife?” asked Greg, suspicious. “You expect me to believe you actually have a wife?”

“Oh, she forced me into it, mate,” said Jack calmly as Elizabeth prepared to throttle him. “Tracked me down with a child in tow. Claims he’s mine, but, she has a bit of a rep about town, if you know what I’m saying. But she grew on me.”

Jack casually pulled a small flask from his pocket, unscrewing the top and placing it to his lips.

“So what do you say?” asked Jack, lifting the flask in a proposed toast. “You keep my lovely missus company and I’ll fetch the water double quick?”

Before Greg had even replied, Jack hit his flask against Greg’s tankard, spilling some of it’s contents, seemingly accidentally, into Greg’s drink. Greg didn’t even appear to notice, taking another mouthful and smiling at Jack.

“I say, Sparrow, that until the water is in my possession you are not leaving my…”

Both she and Gibbs gasped as Greg suddenly began screaming. His head seemed to shrink in front of them, eyes bulging horribly, face turning purple. His skull looked like it was about to pop right out of his head.

And then, quicker than her eye could follow, Greg was gone, leaving only his clothes on the floor.

Except…

Wrapped inside them was a tiny child, crying and flailing desperately on the floor.

“Sweet lord…” said Gibbs, peering at it suspiciously.

“What did you just do?” asked Elizabeth.

“Er… you see, love, there was a bit of a problem with the fountain of youth…”

Chapter 4

“One Sparrow on board was bad enough!” roared Captain Barbossa. His voice alone was enough to encourage some of the sparrows nearby to move. But he and his crew were definitely fighting a losing battle. At the moment, over three hundred sparrows were perched upon various parts of The Black Pearl. Striding across the deck, treading on any sparrow that dared to remain in his path, he tried to control his temper. He was finding that killing them did no good; for every one that fell under his boot, two more took it’s place.

Taking his position at the ship’s wheel, he could see Pintel and Ragetti taking a break from trying to scare the sparrows away. He resisted the temptation to bawl at them; their best efforts were proving futile anyway. Pintel in particular had originally gone about it with a great deal of enthusiasm after the sparrows had begun leaving frequent… deposits on his head. Barbossa’s new approach involved hunting down Jack Sparrow. Although he didn’t exactly have any proof, he was nevertheless entirely convinced Sparrow was involved somehow.

He could hear Pintel and Ragetti were bickering.

“I don’t know what you’re always complaining for anyway,” said Pintel, adopting sage-like tones. “I’d give anything to be able to start over. A second chance at life, to right the wrongs I made the first time. A fresh start.”

“Well YOU drink the bleedin’ water then,” said Ragetti.

“Er… no,” said Pintel. “Besides, Jack ran off with it all, and I ain’t going back to that island again.”

Barbossa shook his head. It served Ragetti right for double-crossing him in the first place. He and Pinteli had decided, when searching for the fountain, to steal the map and go after it themselves. When Barbossa and Jack (Sparrow, rather than the monkey) had caught up, they’d found Pintel cradling a baby in his arms. Barbossa had almost drank the water anyway before noticing the baby’s eye. The price of their betrayal should have been steep, but given what they’d inadvertently saved him from, he’d went relatively easy on them. Pintel’s punishment had been looking after the baby Ragetti. It was, he thought, a far worse fate than he could have imagined himself. That had been about three years ago, and Ragetti had since grown accordingly.

“So, what exactly is the plan, Captain?” Pintel called over, noticing Barbossa’s eye on him. Barbossa leant heavily on the wheel. Real pity the fountain had proved useless. His hip ached something terrible in cold weather.

“Well, first I’m gonna find Jack Sparrow and ask him exactly what these birds be doing all over me ship. Then I’m going to run me sword through his chest,” said Barbossa, removing his hat and swiping at a sparrow that was nesting there.

“And then the sparrows will go away?” asked Pintel slowly.

“I have no earthly idea, but I imagine it will give me no small measure of satisfaction.”

888

“So the fountain of youth reduces you back to childhood?” asked Liz, as William rejoined them. He lifted the baby Greg gently from the floor and held him in his arms. The child redoubled it’s struggles.

“As we have just seen,” said Jack, turning from the baby as if it had been dismissed from his mind.

“Is there a way to reverse it?”

“Even if there were, I wouldn’t exactly recommend it, love.”

“Well, we can’t just do nothing! He’s just an innocent child. Even if he isn’t,” she said.

Taking the baby from William, looking at it as if it might explode in hands, Jack handed the baby to Gibbs, who looked puzzled.

“Congratulations, Mr Gibbs,” said Jack. A quick smile showed his teeth.

“You want me to look after this… this thing?” asked Gibbs with a look of horror.

“After Jack, I’d expect this to be blissfully peaceful,” said Liz.

“You’re lucky you have beauty, Mrs Turner, for your people skills are somewhat lacking,” said Jack.

“I hate to say it, Captain, but you’d best be moving on. You’re welcome to stay, of course, but your arrival here… it was expected,” said Gibbs, holding the baby at arms length. It appeared to be trying to grab William’s finger.

“Well, we didn’t exactly tell anyone,” said Jack thoughtfully. Gibbs leaned in close and whispered in Jack’s ear.

“The sparrows?” he asked knowingly.

“Looks that way,” conceded Jack.

“They say the sparrows have been seen all over the continent, travelling in numbers over land and across the sea. Searching. Hunting. The eyes and ears of some terrible force whose power has been bent upon a single goal.”

“Who’s Christabella, Captain?” asked Liz.

“Who?” asked Jack vaguely, avoiding her gaze.

“Greg mentioned her. It looked to me like you recognised the name.”

“Er… well, after we found out the fountain of youth worked a bit too well, I decided there had to be a way to get it to work the way I wanted it to. Since Calypso and I are not, at present, on speaking terms, I had to find someone else who might know a thing or two about such things. Which led me to Christabella. The witch told me she knew exactly how to reduce the water’s potency. Muttered a bit of an incantation. Lots of pretty lights. Made it look good. However, despite my naïve nature, I thought I’d better try it out on her cat first. And once that had been turned into a kitten, I turned a table over on top of ‘Bella and ran for me life.”

Gibbs frowned.

“She’s going to these lengths just because of what you did to her cat?” he asked.

“No, Mr Gibbs. I think she does know how to fix the water,” said Liz. “I just don’t think she intends on fixing it for anyone but herself.”

Jack nodded.

“So it would seem. Haven’t seen her again, but a lot of strange things have been ‘appening since then. People have been out to get me. More than usual,” he added before anyone could say anything.

“We need to think of a plan,” said Liz. “No use running if she can see where we’re going. We stay here tonight and then decide our next move.”

Jack eyed her suspiciously.

“You’re going to chain me to the bed, aren’t you?”

“No, Captain,” she sighed. “If Mr Gibbs will agree to look after William for a short while, I’m going to help you.”

888

Pintel and Ragetti, escorted by a group of not-so-friendly guards, shuffled awkwardly into The Governor’s office. Upon reaching land, Captain Barbossa had ordered the crew to search for word of Sparrow. That had led them, with great optimism, to a nearby tavern. Unfortunately for Ragetti, they weren’t particularly inclined to serve people who looked three-years old. And then the guards had appeared. Pintel had put up a fight, but with Ragetti essentially useless, they’d quickly been captured.

The Governor was drooling. He simply stood by the window, staring blankly at nothing, swaying slightly on his feet. Standing by his desk was someone Pintel at first mistook for a scarecrow. Her arms were certainly outstretched as such, and across her shoulders ran a line of sparrows exactly like the ones all over The Black Pearl. She was wearing a bright red dress and enormous flowery hat that put him in mind of a strawberry. With a soft shake of her arms the sparrows flew out the door and out of sight.

“The Governor is somewhat… indisposed at the moment, gentleman,” she said. “I am The Lady Christabella. Allow me to welcome you. I see the guards used force to bring you here, for which I am sorry. I gave explicit instructions that you were to be brought to me unharmed.”

“S’alright,” said Ragetti, looking at the floor.

“I understand you arrived here on The Black Pearl,” said Christabella, sipping from a goblet of wine.

“That’s right, my lady,” said Pintel, thinking quickly. “My, uh, son and I were both captured by those evil pirates, but managed to flee and were… liberated by your guards…”

Christabella raised an amused eyebrow and began swirling her wine.

“Hmm. Believe me when I say I have no interest in arresting you for piracy. Rather, I believe we can be of mutual benefit to each other. I understand we have an acquaintance in common. A Captain Jack Sparrow.”

“We… might know of him,” said Pintel carefully. He kicked Ragetti sharply as he tried to talk. He had a bad feeling about all of this, and he didn’t want him landing them in anything.

“Of course you do,” said Christabella sweetly. “Now, Jack Sparrow is someone I would care to meet with very much. However, my business here prevents me from travelling at this time. To that end, I would like to… request… your aid in fetching Sparrow and bringing him to me. In exchange, I shall remove the curse you have endured so nobly since drinking from the Fountain of Youth.”

“Er… how do you know about that?” asked Ragetti.

She dismissed the question with a wave of her hand.

“Does it matter? I am probably your only hope of salvation in this matter. Do we have an agreement?”

“What about me?” asked Pintel. Christabella’s eyes flickered dangerously for a moment, before she smiled pleasantly.

“If you drank from the Fountain of Youth, good sir, it was a remarkably long time ago,” she said.

“No, I mean… what’s in it for me? ‘Cause the kid ain’t going be much use fetching Sparrow. You need me if you want him.”

“Helping your friend not enough? Very well. You need only name your price, if its money that interests you. Or maybe… well, let me let you in on a secret. I want Captain Jack Sparrow because he carries the water from the Fountain. If I had the water, I could use my… gifts to ensure it gives immortal life without it’s more ironic properties. In return for your assistance, I suppose I could grant you that same immortality.”

“So if you can really do all this, are you some sort of witch or something?” asked Ragetti.

“Do you doubt me, good sir?” asked Christabella, stepping forward. She was so small that she did not exactly tower over Ragetti even as a three year old. Yet her presence loomed larger, and Ragetti flinched.

“Just asking, is all,” said Ragetti, eyes on the floor. For himself, Pintel didn’t exactly doubt her. That trick with the sparrows definitely said ‘witchcraft’ to him. Not to mention The Governor, who was presently drooling on his own shoes.

“We’re in,” said Pintel.

Once she had given them instructions, Christabella wrapped her arms around The Governor in mock affection.

“Yes, I know,” she whispered to him. “Definitely a long shot. But we’ll see.”

888

It was late that night before Liz decided to turn in. Her mind was running over the problem and finding it didn’t exactly have a solution. Jack had offered his own.

“Grenades, love. Lots of ‘em,” he informed her.

He was sleeping in a room upstairs, she knew, and a part of her – an evil, treacherous part – found she wanted to join him. But she would not. Would not!

Instead, she left Mr Gibbs (who had taken the couch, or at least passed out drunk there) to check on her son. She’d left him in a spare bed downstairs, and as she entered the room she became immediately aware of another presence there. Drawing her sword instinctively, she crept in and raised it threateningly. When she recognised who was there, she almost dropped it.

“Bootstrap!?”

Chapter 5

Though the room was dimly lit, she could see Bill’s face was grave. His eyes lit up upon seeing the boy on the bed, a boy he had never met but knew instantly.

“I think he wants to be a pirate when he grows up,” she said, stroking his forehead gently.

“Aye?” said Bootstrap without taking his eyes off young Will. “There are worse things, Mrs Turner. And at least he’ll never have to serve on The Dutchman.”

“It’s not the life I would choose for him, even so. And call me Elizabeth, or Liz. I’ll wake him up. He’ll want to see you.”

Bill grabbed her hand before she could shake Will awake.

“No, don’t do that. I don’t have much time, and I’d not have him hear what I’m about to tell you.”

“Is it Will? Is he alright?”

Bill gestured for him to calm down.

“He’s fine. It’s him who sent me here. Tell me, Elizabeth, is the heart safe?”

“The heart? Of course. No-one will be able to find it.”

“Good. Not that I don’t trust you, but I had to ask. Someone has been looking for it.”

“What?”

“Sparrows. They’re all over the land of the dead. We couldn’t make heads nor tails of it, until Calypso showed up. She told us they were searching for the heart.”

Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed. Those sparrows were proving rather troublesome. But if they weren’t just searching for Jack, what did Christabella want with the heart? Stupid question, she thought. She probably didn’t want it to sit on her table as a nice conversation piece.

“What did Calypso tell you?”

“She told us about a witch named Christabella, who once went to Calypso when she was known as Tia Dalma. Apparently she wanted to be an apprentice of sorts under Tia Dalma, but was turned away. Now we were told that Christabella had a talent for possessing animals or humans with her mind. She tried this with Tia Dalma… can you guess what happened?”

“She touched the mind of a goddess…” gasped Elizabeth.

“It drove her mad. The witch had always been ambitious, but after that… She wants to be a goddess herself, now.”

“And then Jack brought her the water from the Fountain of Youth… a chance to become immortal…”

Bootstrap looked blank, but didn’t ask for an explanation. Instead he pulled something from his pocket, a medallion of pure silver. The moonlight, trickling in through the window, reflected off the surface.

“Calypso took this from one of the dead we were transporting. She told us it would protect the wearer from dark magic. Will wanted you to have it,” said Bill, pushing it into her hands.

“It obviously didn’t do the last wearer much good,” she said dryly.

“Well, he was shot,” sniffed Bill. “I’d advise you not to be complacent. If Jack is with you, I’d also advise you not to let him know about it.”

“Listen, Jack and I… we aren’t together, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve been faithful to Will. I’ll be waiting for him when he comes back. Tell him that when you see him. Is it…is he… well?”

“Aye, he is well, and he loves you still. Now I have to go…”

Elizabeth practically lunged forwards.

“Please stay. I’ll wake Will up and you can tell him about his father. We’d love to hear stories…”

Bill smiled sadly.

“I’d like that, but I must go. It took me a long time to track you down, and the conditions under which I will return to The Dutchman are very specific. I’ll have to hurry. Good luck to you,” said Bill. She tried to convince him to stay longer, but he heard none of it. Stubborn as his son, she thought.

“Don’t you turn out like that,” she told William. “Honestly, men. I tell you, he probably didn’t want to wake you up because he’d have cried like a baby.”

888

Jack’s compass was spinning.

“Oh, I don’t like this. I’ll have no parts in it,” said the Jack Sparrow presently perched on Captain Jack’s left shoulder.

“It won’t work,” said the one on the right glumly. “She’ll kill us anyway. And if she doesn’t kill us, SHE will.”

“Always trouble, women,” agreed the one on the left.

“Look, if you’re not going to contribute anything helpful, just stay quiet,” said Captain Jack.

“This is betrayal,” said the one on the left.

“This is leverage,” said Jack, grinning as his compass finally stopped. “There we go.”

“Probably miles away,” said the one on he right.

“How exactly do you plan on getting there?” asked the one on the left.

“Tie a bunch of sparrows to your hair and let them fly you there? Oh, that’s poetry, that is. A pirate poet, who’d have thought?”

“It’ll be nearby,” said Jack, mouth tight. “I’ll walk it. The night air will do me good.”

“It’ll sober us up,” moaned the one on the right.

“Which is why,” said Jack, promptly helping himself to a bottle of Gibbs’ rum,” we take this along with us.”

888

Pleasantly warm sunshine greeted Elizabeth the next morning as she stood just outside Gibb’s home. She wondered how he had come by the place anyway. The four walls stood for everything a pirate wasn’t. They seemed to take your freedom. She had moved on from pirating, of course, but she found it hard to believe Gibbs could.

It looked like Jack had woken up before her as he strode into view. She wondered where he’d been all night. Actually, she probably didn’t want to know.

“Good morning, Captain,” she said as he approached.

“I hope the day finds you well,” said Jack. He moved in as though to touch her. Instantly her sword was in her hand and pointing at his throat. “The lady doesn’t like to be touched, I see.”

“You know, my memories of Captain Jack may be a little foggy in places. Perhaps I’d forgotten just how… pleasant to the eye he is. However, I am quite sure that the real Jack Sparrow HAS A SHADOW, Christabella.”

“Lady Christabella. And good guess,” said Christabella, still looking like Jack but now adopting her real voice. She began waving her arm through her sword. “You can put that thing away. This is only my astral body. Very little we can do to each other. I have come to you to engage in parley. I didn’t get the walk right, did I?”

“It wasn’t bad,” said Liz. “It was the smell that gave you up though. I could have smelled the real Jack from miles away.”

“Hmm. But the walk was okay? I practised, you know,” said Christabella, imitating Jack as she walked in a circle.

“Is this going somewhere?”

“Well, I figured I might ask you to bring Captain Jack to me. He’s a slippery one, but the net has finally closed in on him, I think.”

“Why would I surrender Jack to you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. For money. For power. To get the Clown Prince of Pirates out of your hair. Or maybe because if you do, I will solemnly swear to leave your dear husband and son alone,” said Christabella, leaning close.

“Wanting to kill Jack is something I can forgive. Since I once managed it myself, it would be rather hypocritical of me to do otherwise. But threatening my family is something I will not. WILL NOT.”

“Oh my. That temper of yours is most unbecoming,” said Christabella, sounding amused. “I will give you one chance. One day The Dutchman and the sea will be under my command. In about two years, if I understand the curse correctly (and I admit I’m not sure I do; there seems to be some confusion over it) your husband will return to his faithful wife and be free. Another Captain will then take his place. So here is my offer. Give me Jack and I will leave the heart of your loved one alone. I will wait patiently two years (since I’ll be immortal, this will be easy, I feel) and only then will I take control of The Dutchman.”

“You’ll never find the heart, no matter how many sparrows you send.”

“I admit it’s a tricky one, given you buried it in some random location no-one would find it. However, given that Captain Jack Sparrow is presently digging it out of the ground I feel my chances of success have dramatically increased.”

Liz felt her heart tighten. Had he overheard her conversation with Bill last night, or had he known all along about Christabella’s search for the heart?

“I keenly await your delivery of Sparrow. You’ll find me back where you just came from. Just ask for The Governor,” said Christabella. Jack’s image began to fade for a moment, before quickly coming back into view. “That’s an interesting medallion you have around your neck.”

“It was my mother’s,” lied Elizabeth instantly.

“I doubt that very much, my dear. Don’t get ideas about being clever because you’re immune to my magic. I have other ways to deal with you, if need be,” she said, and this time faded completely.

Chapter 6

Pintel lay flat on his belly at the top of a hill while Ragetti hid behind a large oak tree. From his vantage point Pintel could see Sparrow using a shovel to dig a hole in the ground. This was taking him rather longer than it should, since he kept swaying on his feet.

“Disgustingly drunk,” said Ragetti, who had spent the last three years as a child, and therefore in forced sobriety.

“Give me a hand with the coffin,” said Pintel, reaching up to pull it down from the cart he’d brought in on.

“Don’t be bloody stupid. I’m a kid. I can’t be doing heavy liftin’.”

“I didn’t raise you to talk like that,” said Pintel, struggling to bring it down.

“You’re not my real father,” sneered Ragetti.

Once he’d heaved the coffin down, he dragged it out into the open a little and drew his gun. It looked like Jack had found whatever it was he’d been digging for. A chest of some kind. Well, he’d be only too happy to relieve Jack of that.

“Hello, Captain,” he said, advancing on Jack from behind. “I have a gun pointed at you. Don’t make any sudden movements.”

Jack turned around slowly with the chest in his hands.

“Oh, it’s the two of you,” he said, swaying on his feet. “What’ve you brought a coffin out here for?”

“We’re going to put you inside it, Captain.”

“There’s an air-hole in it,” Jack observed. “What will I need that for?”

“We’re not looking to kill you,” said Ragetti, raising himself up to his full height. Which was not, at the moment, particularly tall. “We just need someplace to put you where you won’t cause us no trouble while we take you to Christabella.”

“Oh. Her. Are you both aware that The Lady Christabella is, in fact –“

“A witch?” asked Pintel. “Yes, we know that.”

“I was going to say ‘a conniving little madam’. Not the kind of company I would expect two world weary gents like yourselves to keep.”

“Get into the coffin, Captain. Don’t make things hard on yourself,” urged Pintel.

“Not a problem,” said Jack, making to put one foot inside it. “However, there is something I should probably say first.”

“Words are no use here, Captain,” said Pintel.

“No? How about just one? A really important one. Now, what was it…?”

“If it’s ‘parley’ I swear there will be trouble,” said Pintel.

“No, that’s not the one. Begins with a ‘c’…”

“Chest?” asked Ragetti.

“No, no…”

“Compass?”

“No…”

“Cat?”

“Yes! I mean, no. I mean, almost. The word I was looking for, gentleman, was in fact ‘catch’.”

“Catch?” asked Ragetti, frowning.

“Yes, catch!” said Jack, throwing the chest at Pintel. In his surprise he fired the gun wildly, missing Jack by a good margin. The chest, meanwhile, caught him on the forehead.

There was a bit of a gap in Pintel’s memory at this point, but the next thing he knew he was somewhere very dark with something moving on top of him.

“Ragetti? Is that you?”

“Er… yeah.”

“You’re blocking the air hole.”

“I’ll try and move down a bit.”

“Too far! Too far!”

“It’s dead cramped in here.”

“Can you move the lid?”

“He’s nailed it shut. I told you I should have had a gun. We could’ve taken him if I’d had a gun.”

“I can’t give a gun to a three year old! Doesn’t sit right, does that.”

“Er… I think Jack’s gone. What exactly are we supposed to do now?”

888

Captain Jack’s mood had brightened considerably. Holding the chest under his armpit, he pulled his compass from his pocket.

“Sorry about that Will. No harm done, I trust,” said Jack, staggering forwards. “Now, if those two are here, then that means The Pearl’s got to be close. And once The Pearl is mine again, Chrissie can send all the sparrows she likes out, ‘cause she ain’t catching me on that ship. Not a chance.”

“Except,” said a Jack Sparrow clinging grimly to the edge of the chest and looking at the direction the compass was pointing. “To get to The Pearl, we’ve got to go back the way we came. Back where ‘Bella’s waiting.”

“A small detail. I’ve got me leverage now. And I’m bloody sick of land, I can tell you.”

888

The sparrows were watching him closely when he got back to town. He could see The Pearl on the other side, waiting for him to sail off with it.

“Got a little something to show you,” he told the sparrows cheerfully. Pulling a grenade out, he tossed it up and down casually before striking a match to light the fuse. “Watch carefully.”

Tossing the grenade towards them, he bowed as blood and feathers showered the street. Pleased with himself for getting rid of them, he turned to head for The Pearl.

And realised that a grenade was a good way of drawing a great deal of attention to yourself. Sprinting away from the crowd heading his way, he took a left down an alley and out the other end. All he had to do was make it to the harbour.

“Well, Jack,” came a familiar voice. “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Ah, Hector,” said Jack, glancing around desperately. “I’d love to stay and talk, but I’ve got a lot to be getting on with…”

“Aye? Stealing me ship one of those things, Jack?”

“You stole MY ship. We rather seem to keep going in circles.”

“And how do you propose we put an end to that, then?” smiled Captain Barbossa.

“I propose a race around the continent. You take whatever vessel you can find, and I’ll take my ship,” said Jack, trying to move past. Barbossa’s sword blocked his path.

“Why are there sparrows all over my ship, Jack?”

“Er… how about you take me over there so I can have a look and appraise the situation?”

“You know, you could always just drink the water from the fountain. By the time you’ve grown up, I’ll probably be in me grave, and The Pearl would be yours for the taking.”

Jack’s sword appeared in his hand in an instant. He dropped the chest and stood in front of it.

“I really must insist on taking it immediately,” said Jack. Their swords clashed, Jack sliding his over Barbossa’s and trying to stab him in the chest, but Barbossa’s feet moved backwards and his sword caught the blade. He launched a counter-thrust. Age had caused Barbossa to lose a step, but his assault was still quick enough that it was all Jack could do to keep up. Ducking under a blow he swept his sword in an arc that would have disembowelled him, but Barbossa neatly leapt clear.

A woman in a purple dress and hat caught his eye. He barely managed to block Barbossa’s next attack. She stood watching them, head tilted slightly to one side.

“Is there something I can be helping you with, Miss?” asked Barbossa as he blocked a cut that would have torn his throat open.

“Oh, by all means continue clanging your swords together. I can wait,” she said. Jack moved slowly to the right, not taking his eyes off Barbossa, and after he parried the blade he struck with a left jab to the hip. Barbossa, whose hip was indeed bad, howled with pain but still had the presence of mind to block Jack’s next attack. Jack spun on his feet as Barbossa pulled back and swung at Christabella’s neck. It should have cleaved her neck from her shoulders, but instead passed through her harmlessly.

“Eek,” she said flatly from behind him. “How rude. That was just my astral body, Captain.”

Jack didn’t have a chance to try again, as Barbossa quickly became all he could handle. A wild series of cuts drove him back until he spun like a dancer and cut awkwardly at Barbossa’s legs. Barbossa was a second too fast and Jack fell back on defence.

“Left your right side open there, Jack,” shouted Christabella.

“We really need to get away from this woman,” said Jack. As Barbossa responded with a lunge that Jack barely parried, he remembered the chest. Christabella seemingly hadn’t noticed it yet… but someone else had. A tall, lean man was advancing on it with interest. No doubt thinking there would be treasure inside. Well, he’d be surprised if he opened it.

As Jack tried to move to get to it, Christabella pointed a finger and the lean man screamed. Both Jack and Barbossa watched with fascinated horror as his skin slowly began to dissolve. His whole body began to sink in on itself, melting into a puddle of green goo which slowly began to bubble. The man’s face, in an agonized grimace, could clearly be seen in the centre of the puddle.

“Tell me,” said Barbossa after a moment. “Do you plan on doing that to Jack?”

“To Jack? Oh no. I have nothing so pleasant in mind for Captain Jack Sparrow,” said Christabella.

“Don’t encourage her,” hissed Jack.

“Don’t worry, Captain Barbossa, I have no intention of harming you. In fact, if you’ll be so kind as to leave Captain Jack and I alone, I think you’ll find there are no longer any sparrows on your ship.”

“Is that right?” asked Barbossa. “In that case, I think I’ll take my leave. Good luck to you, Jack.”

Jack closed his eyes as Barbossa walked out of view.

“Hello ‘Bella,” he said, spinning brightly. “Long time no see.”

“You’re not going to try and run are you?” asked Christabella. “If you do, I plan on singeing your eyebrows from your face. And then burning the skin from your bones.”

Christabella turned her head to the side, watching him closely, before frowning. Jack saw what she was seeing too. A big empty chest-less space where the chest containing the heart of William Turner had just been.

“The girl,” said Christabella calmly. “So she’s here too. Oh well. Come with me, Jack. We have some catching up to do.”

Chapter 7
It came as no surprise to Captain Jack that The Governor’s office was full of sparrows. Christabella’s cat had one trapped under it’s paw. His mistress gave a disapproving ‘tsk’ before lifting it by the collar. She indulgently stroked it and it purred contentedly. Until it noticed Jack.

“You got your cat fixed then,” he said, leaning back as it tried to claw his eyes out. “I mean, re-aged it. Not had it neutered or anything.”

“Oh, Captain,” said Christabella, gently dropping the cat. She put her fluttering hands to her heart. “I’m so happy! To think your compass led you here to me, your heart’s true desire!”

“Er… it was The Pearl it led me to, actually…”

“But woe, it just isn’t meant to be!” wailed Christabella. “We’re from different worlds, you and I. We’re just different in too many ways. For example, one of us will shortly be immortal, while one of us is about to die in the next few moments. Horribly.”

“Will I be pleasantly surprised which is which?” asked Jack, mouth frozen in a half-smile.

“Only if you have been particularly depressed lately. Now, hand me the water. And you know what happens if you misbehave!”

Picturing himself melting into a puddle of goo, Jack reluctantly produced the flask that held the water. He was dimly aware that now would be a good time to think of something, really, really clever. He stopped with the flask held half-way out to her.

“You know, before you kill me, there is something you ought consider,” he said in a whisper.

“And what, pray tell, might that be?”

“Well…” said Jack, wrapping an arm around Christabella’s shoulder. “If I have the knowing of the situation, your plan isn’t just to become immortal. You also want the chest of Davy… er, Will Turner, which is at this moment in the hands of his dear wife. Now, you can track her wherever she goes, but this one’s not just going to go down without a fight. No, in fact, knowing her as I do, I’d say she’s going to sail off on The Pearl… Hang on a minute, she’s going to sail off on my ship!”

“I’m sure you have read the situation well, Captain,” said Christabella, removing Sparrow’s arm from around her. “However, I am perplexed as to why this is of interest to me.”

“You are aware that Elizabeth Turner is, in fact, The Pirate King? And as such, she can sail away and then sail back again with as many pirates as she so desires? Which may, my Lady, prove a might troublesome even for you.”

“Hmm. A fair point. So you’re suggesting what exactly?”

“I know the girl in question. She once killed me by handing me over to a Kraken. Now it’s time for me to repay the favour,” said Jack with a wicked grin. “In exchange for my life, of course. I give you the girl and the chest, and you let me walk free.”

Christabella’s eyes sparkled. Then, much to Jack’s surprise, she leant forwards and kissed him open-mouthed. She tasted like red wine… expensive red wine. But he felt something pass between them, something other than saliva… it felt like…

“A binding spell,” said the witch, breaking the kiss. “If you try to leave town, by land or by sea, your heart will explode.

Snatching the flask of water from his hand, she winked at him.

“So make sure you come and visit me before you go.”

888

Once the fool pirate was out of the way, Christabella dismissed all but one of the sparrows. She needed her desk free. Placing the flask down, she began murmuring a series of complex incantations. When it was done, she raised the flask to her lips. Better not, she thought. Hauling her cat onto the desk, she forced a little of the water into it’s mouth. She waited a moment. Nothing seemed to happen. Still, she didn’t plan on waiting years to see if her cat had stopped aging. As long as she wasn’t going to end up gurgling on the floor. She drank a third of the flask to be sure and sat back, trying to feel delighted. Since she felt no effects whatsoever, it was difficult to be satisfied.

Also, the fact that someone was now pointing a gun at her head rather ruined the moment. She sprang to her feet and raised her hands.

“Enjoy your eternal youth. All the seconds you have left of it,” said Elizabeth.

“Let’s not do anything rash, Mrs Turner,” said Christabella, licking her lips. Her eyes were on the medallion around the woman’s neck. “We can negotiate.”

“You don’t have anything I want.”

“Why did you come here? To rescue Jack? You realise, even as we speak, he is trying to find you and bring you to me to save his own worthless life?”

“You get used to it after awhile,” said Liz.

“There is one thing you are forgetting in all this,” said Christabella, sounding more confident.

“Oh?”

With a slight wave of her hand, a vase sitting pleasantly on a table behind The Pirate King lurched forwards and smashed against the back of Elizabeth’s head. The woman fell to the floor, head bleeding from the back, pistol dropped. Christabella kicked the wretched thing out of reach.

“The medallion only protects you against magic DIRECTLY,” she said, kneeling down and lifting the woman’s head by her hair. “And now I can tell you the negotiations are going to go much less in your favour.”

Fingers moving nimbly, she snatched the medallion from around Liz’s neck, placing it around her cat’s instead.

“Goodbye, my dear,” said Christabella, pointing a finger at her.

“Wait!”

Tilting her head impatiently, she looked up to see Jack Sparrow standing at the doorway. Well, he’d had the sense not to run anyway. And in his hand was the chest. All in all, a very productive day.

“Let her go,” said Jack, striding forwards and hauling Elizabeth to her feet. Liz looked in horror at the chest Jack was holding.

“No! Please, I’m begging you! You can’t give her that!”

She went to grab at him, but she was dazed and Jack was ready for her. He grabbed her and threw her towards the door. Jack turned and practically threw the chest into Christabella’s arms. Elizabeth redoubled her efforts, but Jack wrapped his arms around her, pinning her arms to her shoulders. He began to drag her over to the door. She would allow him to get that far and then kill them both.

“Why are you in such a hurry, Jack?” she asked with a raised eyebrow. “Let me guess… could the chest be empty maybe? Are you afraid of what I’m going to do to you when I open it?”

“Oh, I’m most definitely afraid of you,” said Jack cheerfully. “But right at this precise moment, I’m slightly more afraid that the fuse on the grenade in the chest is going to run out and kill us all.”

“What?” asked Christabella, flipping the lid of the chest. Her eyes widened. She squealed. “No!”

Slamming the lid closed, she was about to throw the thing away when it exploded in her hands.

888

Notfairnotfairnotfairnotfair, her mind screamed as her body hit the ground. It was at that moment she realised she wasn’t dead. Since she was looking at her corpse, this was not necessarily an easy thing to process. Her hat had been blown off. Worse, her FACE had been blown off.

“Wonder if she had time to fix it?” asked Jack, lifting the flask of water.

“THAT was your plan?” asked Elizabeth.

“Hmm? Oh, I did tell you, love. Grenades. Knew they’d come in handy in a tight spot. Your husband’s heart is safe, by the way.”

The sparrow Christabella shook it’s body in rage. She’d only barely been able to move her mind into another body in time. Humans were too difficult to take over in such a way, but the sparrow had been easy. She did not know where the sparrow’s mind had went and did not ever plan on finding out.

Revenge, she thought. There would be hell to pay for this.

Consumed by anger as she was, she failed to notice as her cat crept up behind her and slammed it’s paw down on her body. Squirming underneath it, panic seizing her, she tried to summon whatever magic she could in this body.

And remembered with horror that she’d placed the medallion around the cat’s neck.

Blissfully unaware that it was about to eat it’s mistress, the cat began playing with it’s food.

888

Captain Jack Sparrow watched as The Pearl disappeared over the horizon.

“It could have been a lot worse, Jack,” said Elizabeth.

“True enough,” said Jack. “Besides, I’ll have plenty of time to get it back. What do you say? I’d wager there’s only enough rum for one, but enough of the water for two. You and I could live as two immortals, coming together every now and then to…”

“I’m waiting for Will, Jack.”

“Well, exactly. I did think it might be just a teensy bit cruel if Will comes sailing over the horizon and the first thing he sees is the two of us engaging in sex more sordid than he’s ever dreamed of on the beach. But if you and I were immortal…”

“Then I’d watch as my husband grew old while I stayed young and my son died before me along with my grandchildren…I don’t think Christabella fixed the water at all, Captain. That is not in her power. It’s always been cursed, whether it turns you into a baby or keeps you the same. You should think very carefully before…”

She turned her head and groaned as she saw Jack drinking the water.

“You were saying, love?”

“I was saying, Captain, that…”

“Immortal Captain,” said Jack. “The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow.”

888

And so our story comes to an end, though it may be wondered what happened to the players afterwards…

While it is perfectly possible that Pintel and Ragetti horrifically starved to death in their coffin, the pair have a nasty habit of surviving… so we’ll say they eventually rejoined The Pearl…

Bootstrap Bill returned to his son’s side at The Dutchman, his devotion touching the hearts off all those who stood beside him.

Mr Gibbs stepped out of retirement and returned to sea, where he knew he belonged.

The baby Greg stole Mr Gibbs’ teddy bear. Mr Gibbs tried to act like he didn’t mind, although he clearly did.

Lady Christabella’s cat was sick after eating too many sparrows. Presumably immortal, it’s current whereabouts are unknown.

Captain Barbossa was severely disappointed to learn that Captain Jack Sparrow was not dead. His hip is still bad.

Elizabeth Turner and her son were eventually reunited with Will Turner, and lived happily until the end of their days.

And as for The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow…

Ah, now therein lies a tale…

END