mariolegosu
08-16-2006, 09:18 AM
Title: A Second in Clark’s Head
Author: mariolegosu
Pairing: Clark and Lana (Clana)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 5 up to Hypnotic
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or places or anything that DC Comic/The WB owns.
Summary: I get into Clark’s head during his final conversation with Lana in Hypnotic (the one where he breaks up.) Let’s see how much thinking a Kryptonian can do in a second.
~ A Second in Clark’s Head ~
“Clark, I want you to look at me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me.”
The words she spoke were filled with confusion and anger. It was almost challenging. And yet the only thing I could think about was my infamous secret that I still managed to keep away from her, from everyone. She had no idea how hard I wanted to tell her but at the same time, how scared I was. I knew I would hurt her if I decided to spill my guts and tell her the truth. She would instantly hate me and think that she was only a puppet in my twisted journey to secrecy. I always wondered how she never suspected it. Of course she knew that I always was less than honest with her, but it was for both of our sakes.
There she was, with her puppy eyes filled with tears starring at me as if she was trying to read what was on my mind. Her less than trustful stares were pretty much what this relationship was about ever since my rise from the dead. Could I fully blame her? Of course I couldn’t. She never really understood how, but she avoided the subject as much as she could. Because of it, I was truly happy that for once, she would let it go and not send me into yet another eternal guilt trip that I was about to drown in.
My thoughts went back to the day where I died, resurrected, saved Smallville from a missile but most importantly, the day I lost my virginity to Lana Lang. Even if being normal was always my dream, I could still feel that something was wrong. Sleeping with her without her knowing my secret was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Even though I knew my past secrets were no longer important, I still felt like I was hiding something from her. Something no one had found out. Something that not even Chloe or my parents knew or suspected. The fact is that I had a hard time believing it when it first hit me even though I knew it was the truth.
My disguise was pretty thin until the day that changed my life, twice. I couldn’t help but think about what pain I had caused my family and friends that day. Despite what everyone was saying, I knew that all of this was the result of my own selfishness. If had returned to the Fortress as Jor-El told me to, none of this would’ve happened. I had caused my father’s death. No matter how much my mother and Chloe tried to shake this thought out of my head, the truth was that I did. For what? To save my high school love?
As much as I hated to admit it, the reason I changed what I happened was to protect my darkest secret. There was no way I could fake a grief. I thought I could save everyone, but I was wrong. As much as I would want to, I can’t save anyone from a heart attack. I really should’ve thought this through. The darkest hour Jor-El warned me about took the shape of a darkest year. The guilt I felt was way too important for a simple hour. I felt like this would last all my life, and Kryptonian’s God knew how long that could be. For once, I was determined to tell Lana the truth about me, about us. She would be the only one to know. Nor my mother or Chloe would know about this as I don’t see how they ever could look at me again without throwing up.
As I turned around to see the beautiful yet annoying creature next to me, I noticed how fragile she was or at least, how fragile she wanted to seem. Lana Lang was a nice person but still a very disturbed one. That was the biggest reason why I didn’t tell her my secret. I knew she would be devastated and could never forgive me. The entire truth would be way too much to handle and I would certainly lose all the ones I love. I wasn’t quite ready to do this. The only choice I had was to tell her a small part of the truth. The generic statement I was about to let out was going to be the hardest she's ever had to hear, but the most relieving I've ever had to say. There was no stepping back. I had to tell her.
I slowly turned to my left to be face to face with her. Even if her eyes were terrified, I knew I had to tell her, even if she didn’t want to hear it. She wanted refreshing honesty? She was about to get it.
“I don’t love you.”
------------------------------------
It was my first attempt at a fan fiction! It was fairly short but it's pretty hard to come up with 2000 words out of a 1 second thought. Sorry if I hurt any Clana enthusiasms in the proccess ^^.
Author: mariolegosu
Pairing: Clark and Lana (Clana)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 5 up to Hypnotic
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or places or anything that DC Comic/The WB owns.
Summary: I get into Clark’s head during his final conversation with Lana in Hypnotic (the one where he breaks up.) Let’s see how much thinking a Kryptonian can do in a second.
~ A Second in Clark’s Head ~
“Clark, I want you to look at me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me.”
The words she spoke were filled with confusion and anger. It was almost challenging. And yet the only thing I could think about was my infamous secret that I still managed to keep away from her, from everyone. She had no idea how hard I wanted to tell her but at the same time, how scared I was. I knew I would hurt her if I decided to spill my guts and tell her the truth. She would instantly hate me and think that she was only a puppet in my twisted journey to secrecy. I always wondered how she never suspected it. Of course she knew that I always was less than honest with her, but it was for both of our sakes.
There she was, with her puppy eyes filled with tears starring at me as if she was trying to read what was on my mind. Her less than trustful stares were pretty much what this relationship was about ever since my rise from the dead. Could I fully blame her? Of course I couldn’t. She never really understood how, but she avoided the subject as much as she could. Because of it, I was truly happy that for once, she would let it go and not send me into yet another eternal guilt trip that I was about to drown in.
My thoughts went back to the day where I died, resurrected, saved Smallville from a missile but most importantly, the day I lost my virginity to Lana Lang. Even if being normal was always my dream, I could still feel that something was wrong. Sleeping with her without her knowing my secret was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Even though I knew my past secrets were no longer important, I still felt like I was hiding something from her. Something no one had found out. Something that not even Chloe or my parents knew or suspected. The fact is that I had a hard time believing it when it first hit me even though I knew it was the truth.
My disguise was pretty thin until the day that changed my life, twice. I couldn’t help but think about what pain I had caused my family and friends that day. Despite what everyone was saying, I knew that all of this was the result of my own selfishness. If had returned to the Fortress as Jor-El told me to, none of this would’ve happened. I had caused my father’s death. No matter how much my mother and Chloe tried to shake this thought out of my head, the truth was that I did. For what? To save my high school love?
As much as I hated to admit it, the reason I changed what I happened was to protect my darkest secret. There was no way I could fake a grief. I thought I could save everyone, but I was wrong. As much as I would want to, I can’t save anyone from a heart attack. I really should’ve thought this through. The darkest hour Jor-El warned me about took the shape of a darkest year. The guilt I felt was way too important for a simple hour. I felt like this would last all my life, and Kryptonian’s God knew how long that could be. For once, I was determined to tell Lana the truth about me, about us. She would be the only one to know. Nor my mother or Chloe would know about this as I don’t see how they ever could look at me again without throwing up.
As I turned around to see the beautiful yet annoying creature next to me, I noticed how fragile she was or at least, how fragile she wanted to seem. Lana Lang was a nice person but still a very disturbed one. That was the biggest reason why I didn’t tell her my secret. I knew she would be devastated and could never forgive me. The entire truth would be way too much to handle and I would certainly lose all the ones I love. I wasn’t quite ready to do this. The only choice I had was to tell her a small part of the truth. The generic statement I was about to let out was going to be the hardest she's ever had to hear, but the most relieving I've ever had to say. There was no stepping back. I had to tell her.
I slowly turned to my left to be face to face with her. Even if her eyes were terrified, I knew I had to tell her, even if she didn’t want to hear it. She wanted refreshing honesty? She was about to get it.
“I don’t love you.”
------------------------------------
It was my first attempt at a fan fiction! It was fairly short but it's pretty hard to come up with 2000 words out of a 1 second thought. Sorry if I hurt any Clana enthusiasms in the proccess ^^.