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homosuperior
09-26-2005, 07:49 PM
Title: 1984: Big Lana is Watching You
Author: Homosuperior (with thanks to Smallvillefanatic from TWoP for the inspiration)
Rating - PG
Summary: Orwell's nightmare vision of the future comes to Smallville...the future's bright. The future's pink...the future's Lana

NB: This is technically a Clana fic, so....here it is.

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“Hate hate hate hate hate!”

Clark Kent balled his fists and shouted along with the rest of the crowd. The cinescreen before them flashed images of Rosenbaum, the abhorred traitor, intercut with images of innocent young men being horrifically tortured. The young men were in various states of undress, their bodies contorted in pain. It might have been his imagination, but Clark couldn’t help feeling it looked like more fun than he’d ever had in his life. Another image flashed across the screen: Stompy the horsecriminal, who once dared to raise its hooves to the Pinkatific one. The animal had been publically destroyed, severed limb from limb and sprayed with pink acid, but its evil image still provided fuel for many a two minute hate.

As Rosenbaum’s smooth face filled the screen once more, mouth twisted in an UnLana leer, Clark felt a shudder go through him. He tried to convince himself it was hate he was feeling. And yet, as he looked into the blue eyes he saw humanity there. Humanity was a word that had been removed from the Lanaspeak dictionary the week before – the new word was Lana-ness. Slowly but surely, each word was being replaced. Soon, as the propaganda of the Lanascreen promised, there would only be one word that would mean everything a person could want to express. That word was Lana.

Clark tried to block the thought of the word “humanity”, and on his feelings of sympathy for the Evil One…focussing instead on the heavenly face of Big Sister. One could never be too careful. The thought police of the Ministry of Pink were always listening for Impure, UnLana thoughts.

He looked away from the screen for a moment, and noticed a young man with a shaven head staring at him. He recognised the face – the man worked for the ministry of Lanafiction, the department responsible for writing works that glorified her eminence….and hunted down anyone writing about any other person. Clark didn’t know what happened to those people, but he was sure it was slow and painful. The shaven-headed man was wearing the bright pink sash of the Anti-sex league – Big Sister was the official patron of that society. “Sex is doubleplus-un-Lana” was its motto. The man’s mask-like face had something predatory about it. Clark had thought in the past that he looked more dangerous than most.

The man slid through the crowd, sidling so he was still facing the screen, still shouting out the words of hate. He was standing beside Clark now. His hand was touching Clark’s, slipping something into his palm.

** *

When Clark was safely back in his room, in a corner where the Lanascreen couldn’t see him, he unfolded the note. It said: “I love you. Meet me at the barn in the Pinkwoods.”

Clark couldn’t breathe. A window of freedom had opened, onto a blue sky. A sky without a tint of pink. Could such a thing be possible?

* * *

“Muffin rations up 80% again! Doubleplus Pinky eh?” said the jolly man in the regulation pink boilersuit. Clark’s neighbour, Mr Sullivan, worked for Lanacorp like everyone else. He was particularly passionate in his support of the Pink Goddess.

“That’s Pink, yeah, it is!,” mumbled Clark. He was hurrying to meet the mysterious shaven headed man. But Mr Sullivan wouldn’t leave him alone.

“My daughter’s been greatly honoured this week. Big Sister has accepted her as a Lanamaiden.”

Clark could hardly conceal his horror. He knew what that meant. Lanamaidens never returned. He was almost certain they shared the fate of thought criminals. Big Sister often chose the young women who had the most potential for independent thought. Chloe had also expressed opinions in favour of sex, and Clark knew that could only mean one thing: death. But he smiled at his neighbour, gave him a nod, and hurried on.

* ** *

Clark walked through the woods. The barn wasn’t far, but any moment could mean discovery by the squirrelguards. The trees of these woods were known to be full of robotic squirrels who did Big Sister’s bidding. Rumour had it that the bite of these mechanical creatures meant death.

In the trees, speakers pumped out The Song.

“She will be loved,” they warbled. The sound was tinny and cracked. The Music Police clearly didn’t maintain this area to the usual standards. Few came out here. They had no desire to see woods and fields when they could gaze at the images of HER on their screens.

Clark wondered if there was something wrong with him….why didn’t he love Big Sister like he knew he should? Everything she did was wonderful, everything she did was beautiful. And yet…

The barn was ahead. He broke into a run, wrenched open the door, and slammed it behind him. There were no cameras in here.

“You came,” said a voice. Clark spun around. The man from the hate session was standing there. He held out a hand. “Lex Rosenbaum,” said.

Clark’s jaw dropped.

“You’re…Rosenbaum?”

Lex smiled and nodded.

“But how…?” Clark couldn’t take this in.

“You’re wondering why I’m not being tortured in room Lana Oh Lana? How I can walk among her people undiscovered, although my face is on every screen at every hate session?”

Clark nodded, mouth still agape.

“Well,” said Lex. “Lana’s spies are everywhere…but the thing is this. Lana’s spies are also profoundly stupid. They don’t broadcast this on the Lanascreens, but prolonged exposure to the colour pink actually kills braincells. As does The Song”

“Good God!” cried Clark. He’d watched the screens every day of his life. He knew The Song forwards, backwards, and in several different languages. No wonder he found simple sums and tying his shoelaces without instruction so damn difficult.

Lex stepped closer.

“So, Clark…I am the enemy of the people. But, did you ever stop to think that the People might themselves be the enemy…your enemy?”

“Um…I’m not sure I follow you. It’s like…what you’re saying sounds cool and makes me want to touch you…but I don’t understand.”

Lex put a hand on Clark’s face. The feeling of human contact was sweeter than any Lanamuffin. As Lex held his hand there, Clark felt his mind racing.

“When you touch me…it’s like…I can think again,” said Clark. “It’s like a veil of pinkness is lifting. Everything’s…blue. Cool and blue.”

Lex smiled – not the evil smile of the Rosembaum hateflicks, but a smile that made Clark tremble with pleasure and anticipation.

“Then, when I kiss you….”

Clark felt the man’s lips on his, and instinctively slipped his arms around Lex’s waist. Two bodies, pressed together, a life-giving kiss.

Lex pulled away and looked intently at Clark.

“Now, do you understand?” he said.

Clark closed his eyes, as thoughts flooded his mind. Then his eyes snapped open. Everything was clear.

“Lana is…the source of all evil,” he said.

“Shh…not so loud….but yes,” said Lex. “Everything she does is horrible, everything she says is untrue.”

Clark winced slightly at the blasphemy, but Lex kissed him again, and he felt brave.

“What can we do?” he asked.

“Each other,” said Lex, and pushed him roughly against the barn wall.

* * *

These secret meetings continued for several weeks. After one particularly energetic sessions of re-education, Clark walked painfully but happily home. He felt invulnerable. He entered his apartment and sat in the invisible corner of his room. His secret diary was hidden in the wall – Lex had given him an ancient notebook, with mostly blank pages, but also a few interesting diagrams of young men enjoying one another’s company in the most sacriligeously unPink way. Clark started to write. “Dear Diary. Today Lex told me about a world before Lana. A world where sex was not forbidden, and no-one worshipped Lana. It’s hard to imagine that world, but with Lex’s help, I can dream of such a place. I find I can now use words with more than one syllable. I can form whole sentences without mentioning her name.”

At that moment, a syrupy voice spoke to him from the Lanascreen.

“Stay exactly where you are, Lanaslave.”

“Lanaslave” was a word that had been introduced that week, to replace the Unpink word “Citizen”.

Clark gasped. The voice continued.

“This is a message from the ministry of Secwets and Lieth. You have been keeping Secwets and Lieth. You have been harbouring Sex thoughts. You have been doing UnLana things with an enemy of Lanadom.”

The door burst open, and a pink-clad gang of policegirls burst in, their uniforms unzipped to reveal their pre-pubescent bosoms. The policegirls grabbed Clark, covering his face with their Pinkpoison-infused hankerchiefs.

The next thing he knew, he was in a room…a pink padded cell…tied hand and foot. Clark opened his eyes. In front of him was….oh god no….The Pink Princess herself! Big Sister! Shewhowillbeloved!

“Hello, Clark,” she purred, nodding her head for no reason, as if her spine was broken. “Welcome to my bedroom. It’s a place of purity and chastity.”

“What are you going to do with me?” asked Clark. He tried to pull free from his restraints, but the fluffy pink handcuffs were stronger than they looked.

“Nothing,” said Big Sister, flicking an invisible piece of lint from her pink prom dress. “You just have to watch”

She clicked her fingers, and a door opened. Through it came…Lex! Dressed in a pink suit. His expression was dazed.

“Lana?” he said. His voice was like a robot’s. Clark thought he saw a flash of pink in his eyes.

“Yes?” answered the pink princess, flickering her eyelashes. She held out her hand. On it was a glowing pink ring.

“I’ve…been…having….feelings…for…you…for….many…year s,” continued Lex. His eyes flashed pink to match the ring on Lana’s finger.

Lana turned and smiled sweetly at Clark.

“Do you like my ring? It’s made of Lana-nite. It makes sure that everybody loves little me. I mean, it helps them love me. Some men find it hard to be honest about their feelings.”

“Not me,” said Lex. “I love you. I worship every inch of your fairy princess body. In a chaste and sexless way. Everything you do is beautiful. Everything you do is wonderful.”

With that, Lex fell to the ground and began to kiss Lana’s little pink shoes. Clark looked on in horror.

“This can’t be happening!” he cried.

“But it is, Clark,” said Lana. “This is reality. In Lanaville, everything is perfect…everything is pink.”

“Isn’t she wonderful, Clark?” said Lex, his eyes looking sightlessly at Clark. “DoubleplusPinkLana!” he sighed.

As Lex kissed Lana’s little hand, Clark let out a scream of pure agony.

* * *

It was a year later. Clark was sitting in the Talon, sipping at a DoublePink with extra pinkfoam. His face was hollow, his eyes had dark circles underneath.

On the Lanascreen, Lana’s face stared at him. The small eyes, the pinched mouth.

The Song was playing, a tinny sound. Everything she does is wonderful. Everything she does is beautiful.

And in that moment, the truth of the words washed away all the foolish thoughts he’d had before…of blue skies…of Lex….all that was a false memory. The only reality was this: She will be loved.

He gazed up at the enormous face, circled by a pink haze of music-video mist. It had taken him so long to learn what a beautiful smile she had. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving A-cupped breasts! Two pinkfoam-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Sister.

She WILL be loved!

THE END

ALSo (can't seem to edit post...saying it's too long)....credit to Lucy Wigin from TwoP

Lucy Wiggin
09-26-2005, 08:13 PM
Heh! Who knew my comment would inspire such a great fic?

homosuperior
09-26-2005, 08:19 PM
I'm feeling rather dirty after writing it. Must...scrub...mind...clean...no...the horror!

SmallvilleMan
09-26-2005, 09:09 PM
ah *Sracthes head* ah, was that a clana fanfic? L

ajfinn
09-26-2005, 09:16 PM
This seemed more like slash Clex to me . . . not Clana . . . so maybe there's a better forum for it. ;)

LanasLover16
09-26-2005, 09:18 PM
i have NO clue how this is a clana fic.. bad lexana

Ketchup
09-26-2005, 09:22 PM
Lexana... by far.

MOOman0618
09-26-2005, 09:25 PM
OH MY GOSH!! Firstly let me say that 1984 is my favorite book. Secondly, I can't believe how greatly and uniquely you adapted it to Smallville! That was so hilarious. So much pink

SmallvilleMan
09-26-2005, 09:35 PM
pssssh, *whispers to moo* You're not suppose to like it.

NYC300Z
09-26-2005, 09:44 PM
1984 that's the year I was born....okay well umm i'm sorry I don't see how this is a Clana fic...

sweetiepieeyed
09-26-2005, 10:05 PM
This my friends... Is the future... RUN, RUN AND HIDE.

MOOman0618
09-26-2005, 10:07 PM
Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
pssssh, *whispers to moo* You're not suppose to like it.

I'm sorry...moment of weekness. :)

ajfinn
09-26-2005, 10:15 PM
Moo can like it if he wants to :)

homosuperior
09-27-2005, 04:29 AM
Originally posted by ajfinn
This seemed more like slash Clex to me . . . not Clana . . . so maybe there's a better forum for it. ;)

Because Clark realises he loves her in the end. I didn't say it was a happy Clana fic...

SmallvilleMan
09-27-2005, 08:23 AM
clark realizes he loves her? So he didn't before? And aj, GEEZ, come on:p ;)

ClanaLover
04-13-2006, 10:40 PM
...That...Was disturbing...

lol But so funny! All the pink! :p

But still...Disturbing...Uhh...I don't feel so good...*runs into bathroom*

sweetiepieeyed
04-20-2006, 06:07 PM
i loved this. seeing as i HATE all thing Lana and love all things Clex... such a sad ending though, i wanted my boys to end up together... *sniff*

basketballstar23
06-16-2006, 09:43 PM
yeah....i dont get it...:confused:......:lol:....seriously.:rotfl:

redraven
06-17-2006, 12:46 PM
Slash clex is disgusting. I hated that fic. Anyways...I voted for Lexana.

ClanaAlways
06-17-2006, 02:45 PM
I agree slash clex is disgusting!I think a little part of me died inside after reading such an awful fic!

redraven
06-17-2006, 07:59 PM
^^^:lol:

That's funny. :lol:

montanamama69
07-29-2006, 03:20 PM
HAHA hilarious!!! I loved it!

Ketchup
07-29-2006, 06:51 PM
Worst fic ever written, thank you for wasting my time. I'd say it was funny... except it wasn't. I didn't laugh at all, at anything. I don't know what's more disgusting, the Clex or what you've done to the entire phenomenon of fanfiction.

lanalang1234
07-29-2006, 06:56 PM
Mod edit: these comments were uncalled for..3) We do not allow threats or insinuations of violence toward anyone,including the actors and production teams of the shows/movies discussed on these boards.
.

TempestDarius
07-30-2006, 09:43 PM
Mod edit: Just report... don't reply to innappropriate posts

sweetiepieeyed
07-30-2006, 09:44 PM
Mod edit: Do not reply to innappropriate posts

montanamama69
08-15-2006, 07:34 PM
HAHA GREAT FANFIC

homosuperior
08-26-2006, 12:57 PM
Originally posted by lanalang1234
Mod edit: these comments were uncalled for..3) We do not allow threats or insinuations of violence toward anyone,including the actors and production teams of the shows/movies discussed on these boards.
.

Who threatened who? Did they threaten me? Bah, they don't look so big...

Re Ketchup's comments...very Unlana thoughts. All is sweet, all is pretty, everything she does is right. And, as an agent of Lana, everything I do is too.

Blessed be Lana's dead parents. Blessed be the pink. That is all.

*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*
10-04-2006, 06:11 PM
lmao!!!

Moment4Ever
02-10-2007, 01:18 AM
:lol: the poll is geniouS!So FuNNNy-.-
Keep going

Smallville_Angel
02-10-2007, 06:24 AM
Lanacorp? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

smallvilleobsessor17
02-10-2007, 01:12 PM
I LOVE THIS FIC!!!! ESPECIALLY SINCE MY ENGLISH CLASS JUST FINISHED 1984!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thmallville
02-10-2007, 01:21 PM
THIS WAS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!

*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*
02-10-2007, 01:50 PM
lmao this was over the limit weird

thmallville
02-12-2007, 07:25 AM
I'M STILL GIGGLING!!!!!!!`

redraven
02-12-2007, 08:40 PM
...You...you liked this fic? :eek: I mean, I read 1984 but it was no where as terrible as this fic was. That's just my opinion but seriously...*shudders*

thmallville
02-13-2007, 07:25 AM
1984 was a horrendously boring book, and this fic breathed life and vitality into it! Come on, you have to admit it was HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! mechanical squirrels??? Clana??!!! Muffin rations?!!??!

redraven
02-13-2007, 03:52 PM
No I don't have to admit that it was hilarious, because this fic was far from it.

smallvilleobsessor17
02-13-2007, 04:02 PM
Well, you don't have to be mean to the person who posted the story. I would find it very insulting if someone posted what you posted about a story I wrote. No reason to be so harsh when criticizing. :p

redraven
02-13-2007, 09:32 PM
I'm not being mean to the person. I'm not saying anything to them, I responded to the fic they wrote. And how was saying that this fic is far from hilarious mean?

Well that's my opinion, and there were definitely harsher responses than mine, so don't even call me out on that.

Smallville/Superman
02-14-2007, 03:23 AM
edited