SLAPSTICK Fan Fics (Humor!) Rated G - PG-13

[ajfinn]

Here's a chance for writers to expose their twisted personalities even more. Anyone can post their humorous stories on this thread.

It can be a one shot, or the same story with up to three updates (less than 15,000 “characters” a piece, please – no, that doesn’t mean 7,500 Clarks and 7,500 Lanas. :lol: I’m talking about k-site’s definition of “characters,” for message length).

If there’s a call for more than three updates for a specific storyline, please start your own thread and list the story there. Your fans will love it!

Please put the title, rating, and user name of the author at the beginning of each story. Remember that the material must be rated G through PG-13. And if you’re using something spoily from upcoming episodes, you need to state that clearly at the beginning of your story.

Keep in mind that this is a CLANA board, so we need to honor that as much as possible. I’m sure that won’t be difficult for most of us! It’s all we eat and breathe.

Hopefully, the idea of a one shot fic will bring some of the more timid writers out of their hiding places!

Have fun!!

Index of Current Stories - in Order of First Appearance
“The Wizard of El” by ajfinn (Post #4)
"Lanapuff Girls" by Mythos (Post #15)
"Smallville in Da Hood" by LuvClana (Post #32)
"Cliché" by MOOman0618 (Post #51)
"Amnesia part 1" by Cardinal (Post #60)
"Smallville Fairytale" by NYC300Z (Post #69)
"Snow White, I mean Lana, of course" by ClarksGirl21 (Post #91)
"Smallville in the 60's" by LuvClana (Post #113)
"Amnesia part 2" by Cardinal (Post #125)
"Prehistoric Smallville" by LuvClana (Post #171)
"The Funny" by Smallvilleman (Post #189)
"The Funny Part 2" by Smallvilleman (Post #243)
"Smallville Fairytale part 2" by NYC300z (Post #269)
"Lanarella part 1" by Clana-follower06 (Post #287)
"Amnesia part 3" by Cardinal (Post #301)
"Lord of the Kryptonite Part 1" by Shadowknight (Post #320)
"Lord of the Kryptonite Part 2" by Shadowknight (Post #339)
"Smallville Scooby-Doo" by Cardinal (Post #347)
"A Beautiful Day in Smallville" by itsallinthespelling (Post #353)
"The Wizard of El Part 2" by ajfinn (Post #376)
"Prehistoric Smallville Part 2" by LuvClana (Post #388)

[Cardinal]

Yay for funny Clana! :)

[SmallvilleMan]

I get to release the funny? I don't know, once it comes out, it's unstopable.

[ajfinn]

Author: ajfinn
Rated: PG

Once upon a time, there was a little orphan named Lana. She lived in a small town in Kansas with her Auntie Nell. One day a tornado came and swept Lana far far away. It wasn’t the first tornado she’d been in, but this one was her favorite because it was sparkly—Lana had been sewing pretty pink sequins on her new pink pinafore when it came.

“Oh, bother,” Lana said to her little doggie, Lois, spinning and twirling around. “We forgot your muzzle.”

“Arf, arf!!” yapped Lois. She was always yapping. “You stupid girl. I don’t know why Clark would ever like you more than me!”

“Because you’re a dog,” Clark said, startling Lana as they spun in circles.

“Clark!” Lana cried, loving the way his hair blew in the wind—so sexy. “How did you find me in this terrible twister?”

Clark flashed his gorgeous white teeth—he’d been brushing when the tornado hit. “I always find you when you’re in trouble, Lana,” he said, twirling her around like he did at prom. “I saw your distress signal and plunged into the vortex to save you.”

“Oh, of course,” Lana said, stretching to see the flashing pink tattoo on her back—her pinafore having a little different cut than most pioneer-type dresses. “I’m sure glad you thought of this beacon idea, Clark. It always goes off when I need you.”

“Ahh, shucks,” Clark said. “Chloe says that’s the only good idea I’ve ever had. She doesn’t think I have a brain.”

“Pooey on Chloe,” Lana said, giving Clark a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Chloe’s always saying mean things. She needs a little less courage—a little more tact.”

“I do not, you selfish, whiney, self-centered, man-stealing, witch!” Chloe said, floating out of her red VW bug that was also sucked up by the tornado.

“Now, Chloe,” Clark said. “Play nice. I promised you one last peek of my bare chest if you could just lay off the wench pills for a day.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Whatever,” she said.

Then there was a big THUMP. And then a SCREAM. And then an OUCH! . . . two of them. One from Lana, and one from Chloe. And then an obnoxious yelp from Lois. But there wasn’t a single peep from Clark, who got up off the yellow brick road they’d landed on, and said, “Wow. Look at all the pretty colors!”

“Clark, didn’t it hurt when you landed?” Lana asked, staring up at him from the ground—her legs all twisted as they always were after an unfortunate accident.

It was her most unflattering position, Clark decided. “Oh, yeah . . . ouch!” he said, putting a hand to his head. “That really hurt!”

“Liar,” Chloe said. “You’re made of steel—look, you even broke the yellow brick road when you landed.”

“Umm, err, uhh, what are you talking about, Chloe?” Clark asked. “I don’t have any superpowers. I’m not an alien.”

Chloe rolled her eyes—again. “Whatever,” she said—again. “You don’t have a brain.”

Clark pouted, and Lana flipped her long dark braids so that they hit Chloe right in the face. “Leave him alone, or I’ll do Lana-fu on you.”

Chloe laughed. “Oh, you mean that silly little ‘hiiii-yaaaa’ crap you pulled on me in Delete? Cuz that was so a stunt double.”

“Was not!”

“Was so!” Chloe screamed, scratching and hissing as a lion does. Her hair looked like a mane—spread out all cat-like around her head.

Clark would’ve stopped the fight, but he had a little problem of his own. “Lois, stop that!” he yelled, shaking his leg to get the mangy little mutt off it. “Lana, why does she keep hugging my leg?”

One last kick sent Lois sliding across the brick road, yapping, “Please like me! Like me!” Then her butt smacked into Chloe’s VW bug.

“That was so totally mean of you to drop a car on me!” a snooty blonde girl said from under Chloe’s car. Her head and arms were on one side, and her red and white striped legs—the latest fashion—were on the other. “Now I’m all squished up! Who wants a squishy prom queen?”

“Dawn, is that you?” Lana asked, skipping over to see her. “Oh my gosh! I love your shoes!” She slipped the glittery pink heels off Dawn’s feet, and tried them on. “How lucky can I be? You wear a six!”

Suddenly, everyone looked up to see a ghostly gray Dawn soaring away in the air. “Laterrrzzzz!” she said, waving like Miss America *elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist.*

Dawn’s old feet curled up and disappeared under the car. “Snap! I wanted those striped stockings! They were so retro!” Lana said with a sniff.

“Why don’t you get them for her, Clark?” Chloe said. “You can lift that car with one hand.”

“Yeah! I’ll get them, Lana,” he said, walking over to start the task. “Oh, wait, I mean, what are you talking about, Chloe? I can’t lift cars. Duh! I can’t lift combines, or tractors, or semi-trucks either. I promise.”

“Whatever,” Chloe said—obviously, her most frequent word. And then, you’ll never guess, she rolled her eyes again. “You can’t possibly have a brain if you don’t realize I know your secret.”

“Uhhh, what secret, Chloe?” Clark asked, scratching his head because it felt all itchy—like it had straw in it. “I don’t have a secret.”

At once, there was sweet singing coming toward them, and they looked in all directions to find the source. But there was no one to be seen. “Tra la la lala lala la lala la . . . . Tra la lala la lala laaaa. We welcome you to Kryptonland . . . Tra la la lala lala la lala la."

“Arf, arf,” Lois said, nipping at their heels. “Look down here!”

Everyone dropped their heads to see the most delightful sight! There were tiny people running around, just big enough to poke Lois in the eyes with their lollipop sticks.

“Yap, arf, yap, grrrrrrr,” Lois said, running as fast as she could into someone else’s house for shelter, because she was a habitual intruder-slash-freeloader, and just couldn’t help it.

The tiny little people were dancing around and doing marvelous things—zipping in and out between everyone’s feet faster than even Clark could catch them, healing all the cuts and bruises on Chloe and Lana from their big awful fall, and . . . reading their minds. Now that was curious, wasn’t it?

“Bart? Ryan? Cyrus?” Clark asked, looking at hundreds of duplicates of each of them. These were some of the few freaks who hadn’t tried to kill him, so he knew they were friendly. And all the Tra la la la ing was also a good hint. “Is that you guys? How are there so many of you? Why are you so little?”

“How are you alive?” Chloe asked Ryan, blunt as she was.

“Oh, the Wizard of El granted our wishes!” they all cheered. “He can do ANYTHING!”

“Anything?” all the big people asked with a gasp.

“Like give me a brain?” Clark said, wondering why their wishes involved being tiny carbon copies of their former selves, but that wasn’t something he could figure out, because he didn’t have a brain.

“Like give me some tact?” Chloe asked.

“Like, ummm, well, let’s see,” Lana started, putting her cute little pinky to her puffy little lips. “I don’t know what I want. I’m perfect as I am.”

Clark nodded enthusiastically. “Uhhh huhh, yep! You are!”

Chloe ruined their cute Clana moment, as usual, by nudging Lana. “You could use a little help in the ‘everyone I love leaves me’ department,” she said. “We’d all appreciate that.”

Lana smiled, because she didn’t want Chloe to know that she really wanted to bite her fluffy lion head off and chew it up. “Great idea, Chlo!” she said. “I’m really tired of people dropping like flies around me! I mean, whhhyyyy me?”

“You’re doing it again!” Chloe said, then looked down to the cute duplicates of Ryan, Cyrus, and Bart. “Tell us where to find this wizard. And make it fast!”

BANG! There was a big noise (as evidenced by the caps the narrator used) and everyone coughed and choked as something ugly stepped out of a puff of green smoke. Clark fell to the ground, the Krypto-fog giving him a direct hit.

“Who killed my sorority sister?” Tina Greer asked, morphed into a ghastly form of a girl with stringy hair—oh, wait, that was just her regular body. “I said, WHO killed my sorority sister, The Wicked Bi—umm . . . I mean Witch of the East.”

Lana took this opportune moment to think to herself, Of course Dawn was from the East side, the snotty girls always are.

The tiny super-powered dudes scattered behind giant mushrooms, and Clark rolled across the yellow brick road until he was out of the Krypto-fog. He then jumped in front of the girls, with a very Supermanly stance. “The tornado killed Dawn,” he said. “Go pick a fight with the twister if you want to blame someone . . . but you know, Tina,” Clark went into his Dr. Phil mode, “it’s not going to do you any good to place blame. You can’t save everyone. I know you’re hurting but—”

“Is that right, Clark?” came an airy voice from above him. “Aren’t you still blaming yourself for my death? Because you should!”

Looking up, he saw Alicia floating in a big pink bubble. “You’re not dead?”

“No, Clark,” she said, her bubble lowering to the ground next to Tina. “I’m just the Good Witch of the North now.” She brandished her silver wand.

“Can you breathe in that bubble?” Lana asked, hoping she couldn’t.

“Yes, you idiot! I just can’t escape it—it’s lined with invisible lead,” she said, then held up her hand to Lana. “Talk to the hand, man-stealer!”

Lana stomped her foot.

“Told you, Lana,” Chloe whispered. “You’ll never make friends if you don’t share Clark.”

Clark made a puppy dog face. “Alicia, can you please get rid of this morphing leech to the side of you, then point us in the direction of the Wizard?”

Alicia smiled, with sparks shooting out her wand. “Clark’s mine!” she cried, zapping Tina into a frog—which Tina had considered doing herself anyway—at some point. “Now, Clark, follow the yellow brick road, and you’ll find your father. Whoops! I mean the Wizard of El.”


Part 2 is on Post #376 of this thread :)

[Cardinal]

Just here to announce that I'll have a story for this thread sometime late tomorrow.

No previews though, except for aj ;) , 'cause I don't want to get anyone's hopes up.

My, oh my! You really don't like she who must not be named...except you named her. But as a dog? :rotfl: Being a female dog, that also makes her a b**ch!

Alicia as the good witch is an interesting choice. I almost expected to see Martha in that capacity.

Freaks, soldiers, and Lex..oh my! :D

[Dr. Jeckyll]

The wacky European is still up!

Hahahah, that was hilarious aj! Crazy stuff! :rotfl: Can't wait for the next part :)

[Cardinal]

Are all of the the good krypto-freaks guys?

Bart, Ryan (not a krypto-freak but had a power), Cyrus, and the guy from "Hug."

I don't remember any good female krypto-freaks. :(

[NYC300Z]

:lol: that's one of the best parts of the story Cardinal! Of course Lois is a little dog! Perfect! :lol: more please AJ! That was terrrific! :lol: lol

[Cardinal]

The four of them ought to climb into a magical wicker basket to ride down the yellow-brick road...(drumroll, please)...

'cause then they'd be going to El in a handbasket.

Wouldn't the yellow-brick road be the "Highway to El?" *Hears AC/DC playing in the background*

Maybe the Wizard of El lives in the Emeril City, a city famous for a cajun chef that likes to say, "Bam!" Definitely couldn't be the Emerald City, 'cause Clark could get anywhere near it.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
Are all of the the good krypto-freaks guys?

I don't remember any good female krypto-freaks. :(

I do remember one -- from slumber. But she didn't have her power after she woke up, so I didn't count her :D

I changed it to "some of the few freaks who hadn't tried to kill him" because you're right about the Hug guy too. Good catch. *aj regrets not watching all 4 seasons over. My apologies ;) *

Originally posted by Cardinal
The four of them ought to climb into a magical wicker basket to ride down the yellow-brick road...(drumroll, please)...

'cause then they'd be going to El in a handbasket.

Wouldn't the yellow-brick road be the "Highway to El?" *Hears AC/DC playing in the background*

Maybe the Wizard of El lives in the Emeril City, a city famous for a cajun chef that likes to say, "Bam!" Definitely couldn't be the Emerald City, 'cause Clark could get anywhere near it.

Oh WOW!! This thread is gonna be SCARY!

[NYC300Z]

:lol::lol:@ Cardinal! :lol: Emeril Bam! My dad watches his show all the time!

[Cardinal]

I was originally gonna say the Emeraude City, but I don't think too many people would have picked up the women's perfume reference.

Please update again aj. I must go to bed in 30 minutes to get up at 5 am Central.

[Clana-follower06]

That was hilarious! I actually laughed out loud which I usually never do when reading fics. The Lois as a dog part really got to me I liked the part where they poked her in the eyes. :D

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
Please update again aj. I must go to bed in 30 minutes to get up at 5 am Central.

My Part 1 thing was really misleading I guess. What I mean is that I'll write another two parts to this story in the future. Not right away though. We need more stories on here!!

Sorry about the mix up, I just clarified that at the end of my story. I'll post part 2 within the next week. I need to write my OTHER clana story ;) Remember that little one I got going on?? ;)

[Mythos]

As promised here's my contribution ;)

**Spoiler** warning



***********************************
Sugar….

Spice….

And Latte’s on Ice…

These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girl!
But Professor Kryptonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction… Chemical K!
Thus, the Lanapuff Girls were born!
Using their ultra super powers, Lana, Lois and Lexy have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!

Duh-duh duhduhduh duhhh-duh!

**************************************

The city of Smallville!

Ahh yes, the glorious farmland city of Smallville, where people from all over the Superman Universe seem destined to arrive and be misinterpreted! Why, look over there! Playing in the field! Who could it be, that smart and happy little man with the bleached blond hair and fangs? It’s none other than Spikeyac! Our brainy friend seems to be up to his usual tricks! Let’s see what he’s got in store for us this time…

“Muhawhawhaw! Soon I shall be supreme ruler of Smallville! All of Smallville will be under my control! The people of Smallville will have to do what I say because I will be absolute ruler of the place that they live in, which is to say the city of Smallville, which will be under my complete power!! Muhawhawhawhaw!” says the bold and genius Spikeyac.

“Hawhawhaw! No longer will I be forced to be defeated by that silly blonde Buffy and her stupid little friends! I will have new foes to overcome and defeat, and will therefore no longer have to battle that slayer but instead will be victorious over someone else which I will have won from!” the erratic but seemingly plotting blond professor exclaims.

But look! Up in the sky! Could it be?? Is there a hint of blue tights? The swish of a red cape? The reflection of the sun glinting off a yellow and red emblem?

Of course not! This is Smallville, after all!

“Not so..”

“..Fast, Mojo..”

“..Jo…. hang on a minute…”

Hurray! It’s the Lanapuff Girls! They’ll know what to do!

“Ya know, this really isn’t the right show for this..,” Lana calls out, brandishing her pink outfit and lovely matching pink bow in a way that no powerpuff would ever dream of.

“Muhawhawhaw!!! You say that now, but just you wait until next season, when the need for Lana-Fu will have outgrown the place it has in the current plots!!! Spikeyac, now seriously using his exclamation marks to reiterate his point, calls out.

“Like, no way that blue is my color!” a mildly offended Lois states, even though she has never been cuter in her blonde pigtails and little black shoes.

“Well I think this green dress looks rather fetching on me, don’t you think? I mean, my father always used to say: “Son, there comes a time-“

“Yeah yeah, Lexy, we know all about your weird relationship with your father,” Lana, never one to wait patiently for someone to finish a rant, stops Lexy from further embarrassing everyone. “And please put on some pants the next time you go out flying with us, will you?”

“Well at least he put on his white leggings this time,” Lois discloses with a sigh of relief.

“Excuse me, but shouldn’t we be getting on with sketching out the plot for this episode? You know, with me trying to take over Smallville by pretending to be a vampire but secretly being someone from the Superman Universe, brought forth by a spaceship of Kryptonian origin, destined to take over the Earth and destroy the young hot construction worker at the moment known as Clark Kent?” It’s becoming apparent that Spikeyac has been having a word with the producers and has obtained a script.

“Yeah, what he said!” Lexy says, upset about how everyone keeps putting him down. He never used to have this problem when he was on the Justice League…

“Alright, “girls”, let’s GET him!” Lana, ever the leader, leaps up and pounds on Spikeyac with all her Lana might!

“Well I’d rather stand here and look pretty, but what the hey!” Lois reluctantly joins in, bashing our blonde friend to bits with her Handbag of Retribution.

“Woohoo! Girlfight!” Lexy exclaims, diving into the fray!

“POW”

“ZOK”

“BLAMMO”

“BAFF”

Ah, Lanapuff girls. You’re always there when someone needs to fill a plot hole!

“Curses! You puffs have ruined the carefully laid out plans which I have plotted with minute attention to detail! The delicate caper which I have thought out to be carried out carefully has once again been thwarted by you girls! NOW what will the writers have to think up for the rest of the season?” a bleeding and beaten Spikeyac says as he falls on his face, defeated and pitied by all.

“I don’t know. Satire? Nudity? It’s all good come sweeps!”

“I really think I should have worn the green Tutu today.”

“No way, Lexy! It makes your hips look even larger!”

Hahaha! Oh Lexy, always on the lookout for that perfect outfit!

So once again, the plot’s been saved! Thanks to the Lanapuff Girls!

Duh-duh duhduhduh duhhh-duh!

[Cardinal]

*Giggles wildly* Lanapuff...*snicker, snicker*...does Lionel get to be the new incarnation of Him in the next exciting episode? It would explain Lexy's penchant for women's clothing. :D

[ajfinn]

Mythos!! That story is so dang hilarious!! I just read it for the third time!!!

Thanks for coming through for me (I didn't dare brave this thread alone guys!)

I can't wait for your next one! Which will it be?? :D

[Mythos]

Originally posted by Cardinal
*Giggles wildly* Lanapuff...*snicker, snicker*...does Lionel get to be the new incarnation of Him in the next exciting episode? It would explain Lexy's penchant for women's clothing. :D

Have you had a talk with the producers as well and confiscated a script....? ;)

Obviously to be continued...... ;) Although aj already knows that I have one or two other ideas, even some less badly written as this one! :D ;)

[NYC300Z]

Mythos just curious while your story was amazingly funny! Love the whole Lanapuff girls thing with Lana as the leader and Lexy!!:lol::lol: but umm where was the Clana? Is it coming in the next episode of the Lanapuff girls?

[Mythos]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
Mythos just curious while your story was amazingly funny! Love the whole Lanapuff girls thing with Lana as the leader and Lexy!!:lol::lol: but umm where was the Clana? Is it coming in the next episode of the Lanapuff girls?

lol

While the original concept allegedly called for any pairing whatsoever (ask Aj ;)), I do intend to give it a Clana spin. Working on an update.

[Kal-El & Me]

Does anyone just want me to write my Clana on the Beach fic here instead of on the Are You Who You Want to Be thread. Might be easier. And I can put a few alterations to it to make it funnier and longer.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Mythos
lol

While the original concept allegedly called for any pairing whatsoever (ask Aj ;)), I do intend to give it a Clana spin. Working on an update.

Yeah, that's true. Originally I was gonna post this in fanfic discussions, but we've got so MUCH more love on the Clana board :D

There was one hint of Clana in this last Lanapuff story. Lana got all dressed up cute just to see Clark, then duty called at the last second, and she had to stand him up. Now, I wonder what ridiculous excuse she'll have to use for that? Role reversal, huh?

Originally posted by Kal-El & Me
Does anyone just want me to write my Clana on the Beach fic here instead of on the Are You Who You Want to Be thread. Might be easier. And I can put a few alterations to it to make it funnier and longer.

On problem Kal-El&Me, is that this thread only allows for three updates to the same story :( So it's just supposed to be for really short stories. My Wizard of El story will only be three updates long.

[LuvClana]

lol guys you make me laugh :D

[LoisNClark]

aj that was hilarious and i can't wait to read more:lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:

Mythos that was also hilarious:lol: :rotfl: :lol:

i love this thread

[MOOman0618]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

This thread is super!

AJ - That was so awesome! I think you have a twinge of bitterness toward Lois. So fitting you made her a yapping dog!

Mythos - That was great! Although I am not sure if picturing Lex in a green dress was more funny or more disturbing. But I guess it wouldn't be the first time we saw MR in drag.

Cardinal - 'El in a handbasket' HA!:rotfl: I laughed out loud for a good minute after reading that! Can't wait for you story...and don't be too worried about it. Just let it flow...that seems to be when your best stuff comes out anyhow!

EVERYBODY POST MORE!!

[ClarksGirl21]

Haha! this is hilarious finn! lol.. funny clana is great!

[Scotty]

Clark would’ve stopped the fight, but he had a little problem of his own. “Lois, stop that!” he yelled, shaking his leg to get the mangy little mutt off it. “Lana, why does she keep hugging my leg?”
I almost choked and shot some Pepsi through my nose when I read that.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by MOOman0618
AJ - That was so awesome! I think you have a twinge of bitterness toward Lois. So fitting you made her a yapping dog!


What? Me not like Lois? Where'd you get that idea?

You know, there IS something that I absolutely LOVE about Lois -- she's not in the first three seasons.

:lol:

Can you think of one other Smallville character that fits Toto's yappy personality better than Lois? Certainly not Shelby, he just lies around in the kitchen.

[binkys711]

Hey guys! just read the slapsticks! oh man! dude there hilarious! I loved 'em!:lol: great job you guys!....I just started school today:( so i'll be here very little time:( but I got 3 hrs of computer class a week so I'll sneek in there and try to get in after school also!:D

Peace Out!

-binkys:cool:

[Cardinal]

Yay! After a couple hours of fairly serious procrastinating, I'm pleased to announce...absolutely nothing (that's generally the main byproduct of successful procrastination).

Seriously, I'm actually making headway. The bad news is...well, you'll have to read it for yourself. I will say that, despite a complete lack of confidence in myself, that I will likely have something to post tonight (much later tonight) on this thread.

If you are one of the two or three people actually waiting for an update on one of my threads, please direct all complaints to aj...it's all her fault, she made me do this! :D

[binkys711]

:p...*goes after aj*

[LuvClana]

I decided to give this SLAP thingy a shot. Here goes:
Title: Smallville In Da Hood
Name: Soupy
UN: LuvClana
Rating: PG
Spoilers: none. But brace yourself before reading :p


SMALLVILLE IN DA HOOD

Clark comes downstairs for breakfast.

Clark: Pop, my home fly!

Jonathon: Homie!

They high-five

Martha: What do yall want for breakfast, dogs?

Clark: Gimme some of them pancakes, yo!

Jonathon: and some of that whipped cream, girl! Yo my baby!

They eat...fast

Clark: Thanks for that wiggy wack breakfast, mom. But I gotta rocket! Thanks again, homie!

Clark superspeeds to Chloes house and rings the doorbell. He looks in the window.

Clark: Hey Mr. S! Open up!

He pounded the window. Mr. Sullivan opens the door wearing a do-rag. They fist pound.

Mr. S: Hey, home dog! What up in da hood?

Clark: A'ight, man! Things are fly!

Mr S: Fo shizzle in da nizzle, dog!

Clark: yea!

Lana comes to the door

Lana: Clark, man! Mah boy! Sup?

Mr. S: You kids goin' out?

Clark: Straight up!

Lana: C ya Mr. S, home fly!

Clark and Lana leave and get into Lanas SUV

Lana: This station is wacked up, dog!

Clark: Straight up! Change it to 'Wiggidy Waggidy ruff ruff bark bark growl dog station', dude!

Lana changes the radio station and a cool song comes on that they sing to.

Woof Woof
bark bark
home fly, yo
home fly, yo
in da hood
up in the hood
we wizzle
we wazzle
we go ruff ruff ruff
we know how to do it, dog
you mah boy
you mah home fly
go Woof Woof
Bark Bark
HOWWWWLL!

When the song is done Clark and lana kiss.

Clark: You mah girl, yo know?

Lana: Yea, dog! A'ight!

Clark: Lets go see our homie Lois, at da Talon,dog!

Clark and Lana drive to the Talon

Lana: Hey Lois, mah girl!

Lois: Mah dogs! Hows it rollin'?

Clark: fo shizzle in da nizzle. Its wack!

Lois: word!

Lana: we came to see how our number one homie is rolling in dis joint!

Lois: I'm great! I get to eat the flyin' food, dog! S'll good!

Clark: A'ight man! Tight!

Lana and Lois fist pound.

Lois: See you around, dogs!

Lana and Clark turn to leave when Chloe and 50 cent walk into the Talon.

Clark: Dog! It's fiddy cent!

Lana: Chloe, mah girl you rollin' wid fiddy?

Chloe: Word!

Clark: Fiddy mah man hows it been?

They fist pound.

Fiddy: Mah man! S'll good! Mah home girl Chloe here is wiggy waggy!

Clark: WOOF!

Fiddy: BARK!

Lana: GROWL!

Chloe: RUFF!

Lois: ... word!

Chloe adn 50 cent leave and Lois drives away to go on pimp my ride. Then P. Diddy walks in.

Didy: Clark mah man! And mah home fly Lana!

Lana: Diddy, bust a move!

Clark and Diddy break dance in the middle of the Tlaon to a familiar tune.

Woof Woof
bark bark
home fly, yo
home fly, yo
in da hood
up in the hood
we wizzle
we wazzle
we go ruff ruff ruff
we know how to do it, dog
you mah boy
you mah home fly
go Woof Woof
Bark Bark
HOWWWWLL!

Clark gets up and he and Lana walk out hand in hand singing the song.

Diddy and Eminem get up and go to the tatoo parlor and the Talon is empty exceot for Lois who got kicked off of Pimp My Ride for saying only one....

Lois:...word

A/N: Ok its really tqisted and odd n such but I added some stright up rappers :p Coming Soon: Smallville in the Sixties!

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
If you are one of the two or three people actually waiting for an update on one of my threads, please direct all complaints to aj...it's all her fault, she made me do this! :D

Yes, and I shall take all the credit for all the praise you'll get too! I have a 10% agenting fee, fyi. Ask Mythos. And I'm 4Ever's update attorney, so . . . erm wait, no I don't have anything at all to do with 4Ever's updates!! *ducks at flying shoes!*

[LuvClana]

lol aj :D

[ajfinn]

SOUPY!! My gut is in knots, home girl!!!!! That was the hardest I've laughed in forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring us more!!!! :D :D :lol: :rotfl: :lol:

[LuvClana]

Originally posted by ajfinn
SOUPY!! My gut is in knots, home girl!!!!! That was the hardest I've laughed in forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE bring us more!!!! :D :D :lol: :rotfl: :lol:

lol thanks :D I can post the sixties tomorrow. I'm thinking also caveman smallville, 1500s smallville, and Smallville meets The OC (i'll have fun with that one. Soo many things to poke fun at about that show :p)

[Cardinal]

Originally posted by ajfinn
*ducks at flying shoes!*

That's your problem right there, aj. You're ducking at the flying shoes. If you ducked away from them, maybe they wouldn't hit you so often.

[LuvClana]

lol Cardinal :p You're right! Lets all throw shoes at aj so she can practice :p

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
That's your problem right there, aj. You're ducking at the flying shoes. If you ducked away from them, maybe they wouldn't hit you so often.

Freak! Is that why I have bruises all over me? *jumps inside her fic with Clark, stands in line to get a brain*

*oh, gives Clark a nice long hug first. JUMPS! Whoa, Clark, sweetie. Watch the hands.*

[LuvClana]

lol aj, The Wizard of El is brilliant! hopefully L-i mean 'bald guy' can get a heart because that black hole he has now isn't quite working for him :p

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by LuvClana
lol thanks :D I can post the sixties tomorrow. I'm thinking also caveman smallville, 1500s smallville, and Smallville meets The OC (i'll have fun with that one. Soo many things to poke fun at about that show :p)

I can't WAIT for all of those stories!! Yeah!!

[NYC300Z]

Ha ha great story LuvClana!! :D

[LuvClana]

lol all :p good times good times.

I got to go get my sis from camp

See ya...home fly.

[NYC300Z]

Peace out side! you know what i'm saying! Werd!

won!:p:lol:

[SmallvilleMan]

LuvClana, it's actually dawg, not dog. Hehehhehe

[MOOman0618]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


OH MY GOSH! THAT WAS SOOOO AWESOME LuvClana!!! I laughed the entire time! Picturing Lana and Clark saying those things just make it even funnier!!

[LuvClana]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
LuvClana, it's actually dawg, not dog. Hehehhehe

sorry, us un-hip homies arn't key with that slang :p

[SmallvilleMan]

I don't say those words either, i just know what they mean. You have to prepared for all situations.

[MOOman0618]

I can't spell half the words I actually say everyday, I would have no hope with slang that I don't say. :)

[LuvClana]

lol this is coming from the girl who spelled thought: thawt :rotfl:

[MOOman0618]

Cliché

“It’s all my fault; I can’t believe I let this happen.” Clark buried his face in his hands.

“Hey Clark man, what’s your fault man?” Pete placed a consoling hand on Clark’s shoulder.

“My mom was trying something new. She was baking ridiculously gigantic muffins rather than her normal huge muffins. She let them burn Pete! They are completely ruined. I can’t believe this, all I do is cause my family pain.”

“Clark man, they are just muffins man. Besides Clark man, how it your fault anyhow?”

“Pete, you don’t understand. Those muffins are the only thing that is keeping the Talon from going under and keeping my mom employed. With those new ridiculously gigantic muffins it would bring in enough revenue that my mom would get a raise and we could finally replace the tractor that is constantly broken. The only thing that has saved us lately is the fact that our red truck requires no maintenance whatever even after a major accident. I wasn’t there to protect the muffins so now we are going to loose the farm which has been in the family for three generations and should be paid for by now.” As Clark was finishing his rant him and Pete heard a car pull up.

“Hey Clark, I just wanted to drive several miles to your farm to talk instead of just calling your cell phone.” Lex said walking up the stairs to the loft.

“Lex, what do you need?”

“I was just in my office drinking scotch in the middle of the day and was wondering if my father could have drugged it again.”

“Clark man, I don’t trust him. His father took my family’s factory when I was three years old, but I am still really pissed about it. Man.”

“Pete, how can you say that? Lex is my best friend. Now Pete, you are my best friend I expected more from you.”

“Clark, the ancient Mayans built a place named Chichen Itza where they would sacrifice their criminals to their god’s. The purpose was two fold, first was to appease their gods and the second was to scare people into obeying the laws.”

“Great story Lex, but that isn’t going to make those muffins any less burnt. That reminds me, can I exploit you for your money again?”

“Sure Clark, that’s what rich and powerful friends are for.”

“Oh my gosh! I forgot about Lana! ALL I DO IS CAUSE PAIN!” Clark shouted and ran from the loft. Clark ran into his house, up to his room and down the stairs with a pile of his old cloths.

“Clark where are you going in such a hurry?” Jonathan said while pouring honey into his coffee.

“I have to get these cloths to Lana before I ruin her life too.”

“Son, you have no idea what will happen if you give her those cloths!”

“Your father is right Clark.” Martha chimed in.

“For all you know there is some of your DNA in those cloths and Lana could have them analyzed and find out your secret.”

“Your father is right Clark.” Martha chimed in again.

“You guys are too paranoid. I need to go see Lana.” Clark sped out the door.

Back in the Loft

“Pete, where did Clark go?”

“I don’t know man, I think Lana asked him to bring over some of his old cloths. She is planning a clothing drive for the homeless. Its going to happen after she has her second blood drive, and that is after her telethon to raise money for blind and diabetic puppies, which she planned after she sculpted a life size bronze statue of her parents to go in front of the Lewis and Laura Lang wing of Smallville orphanage with a special Henry Small computer lab.”

“Wow Pete that reminds me of something my father told me about the ancient Persians…”


At the Talon

“I’ll have a venti mocha latte with a double shot of espresso please.” Chloe ordered her very large and very caffeinated drink to go. She of course had work to do at the Torch. She was walking toward the door when Clark burst in with a huge stack of cloths for Lana.

“Hey Chloe, sorry I can’t talk now. But I am pretty sure Lana may be in danger, and if not right now I am sure if we wait ten minutes.”

“But Clark, I have some information on the muffin crises.”

“Chloe, how could you do this to me? I trusted you and let you back into my life and still you can’t leave my life alone.”

“But Clark I was doing some digging and I found out why you mom’s muffins burned. I mean, didn’t you find it strange that she has been baking muffins for so many years and has never burned any until today?”

“I guess, but I just thought she wasn’t paying attention.”

“If only it were than simple. Your mom used a gas stove, well I just happened to take a digital photo of your meter before and after the muffins went into the oven and it turns out that you used quadruple the amount of gas in that time then you normally should have!”

“And what does that mean?”

“What that means is that there was someone on your farm that was somehow feeding off your natural gas line and caused a surge in gas making the oven much hotter than your mom intended. My theory is that they were working in the gas plant during the meteor shower and got exposed. I think instead of air they have to breathe natural gas to survive.”

“You got this from reading my gas meter? Chloe you are a genius! It makes complete sense, why didn’t I think of it. I knew my mom couldn’t mess up baking! Well thanks a lot Chloe, I will call you later so we can catch this person before his murders someone for no apparent reason.” Clark turned and ran up to Lana’s apartment to give her his old cloths and make sure the gas powered meteor freak hadn’t made her his next victim.

“Clark, what are you doing here?” Lana was pleasantly surprised to see Clark and skipped to the door and gave him a kiss.

“Lana, I brought these cloths over as soon as I could. Lana, I am sorry I am so late; I know I probably ruined the whole project Lana. I always do this to you Lana; it’s all my fault Lana.”

“Clark, the clothing drive isn’t for a few days. But I don’t know if any of these will work, I don’t see anything pink in the whole pile. But I guess if you’re homeless, plaid will be better then nothing. But why were you late Clark?”

“Lana, don’t worry about. I don’t want to put you in danger Lana. Chloe and I are taking care of it.”

“So, is this what our whole relationship is going to be Clark, even more secrets to add to the old ones?”

“Lana, it’s not that. I want to tell you Lana, I just am worried about you Lana.”

“It’s ok Clark; I know how much you care about me.” Lana and Clark hug and Lifehouse begins to play in the background.

“Lana, where is that music coming from Lana?”

“Oh, isn’t that cool? I had that installed the other day. Its called ‘Life’s Little Soundtrack’ you hook it to the internet and it downloads new music and plays it at appropriate times in your life.” Just as she was finishing her sentence ‘Life’s Little Soundtrack’ began to play very ominous classical music. Suddenly the gas powered freak busted through the door with a chunk of kryptonite in his hand. Clark fell to the floor. The freak grabbed Lana and ran out the door. Clark was able to get up as soon as the Kryptonite was gone. He ran to the ally behind the Talon where the freak had taken Lana. Lana was able to break free and performed a needlessly elaborate spin kick and kicked the kryptonite from his hand. She then turned to run away rather than finish him off. Clark then sped down and grabbed the freak lifting him up.

“NOOOOOOOOO!” The freak shouted and burst into a huge ball of flame. Clark of course was not injured but his cloths had been burned off. Lana ran over to him amazed that he was unhurt.

“Well Lana, now you know my secret.”

“I’ll say” Lana replied looking Clark up and down. “You’ve defiantly been keeping secrets from me.” Lana was now grinning like an idiot.

“Hey! I meant about being fireproof!” Clark said finally covering himself.

The story ends, Clark and Lana were together again…Pete and Lex were left in the loft and are now best friends…Chloe got a job at the Daily Planet for her article on the economic impact of a muffin shortage…and the Kents came out of debt due the returned confidence of Martha in her own baking skills.

THE END!

[LuvClana]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG MOOMAN! YOU HAD ME LAUGHING SO FREAKIN' HARD! Thats was funny but oh so true :p

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl:

[clana4ev3r]

HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT WAS SO FREAKING FUNNY!!!! LUVCLANA GOES THE SAME FOR YOU! :lol: :lol:

[NYC300Z]

Your title was very apporipate M00man! Very funny! :lol: This thread is great!

[Serene]

These stories are HYSTERICAL! I love this thread. :D

[LoisNClark]

Luv Clana that was hilarious!!! My stomach hurts i was laughing so hard:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

and Mooman that was also hilarious!!!! Too much funny!! my stomach can't handle it

:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:

[Dr. Jeckyll]

HAHAHA!! That was just sooooooo Cliché!! :rotfl: :rotfl: You're a genious M00man. Make sure you update your other story as well!

And LuvClana that gangstah-vibe was hilarious. SO unlike SV. Imagine Lana and Clark say those things. Haha.

This thread is great!! PPMS everyone!

[Ketchup]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
That was hilarious, both of you! I still needa catch up on the first page of this thread, but Im already loving it :D

[binkys711]

:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

Oh dudes! that was hilarious! I love both of the slapsticks! great job!!!:D:D:D

[Cardinal]

After reading the efforts of other writers on this thread, I'm ashamed to put this up, but I promised, so here goes.

Amnesia - Part I

Groggily, our hero awakes. As the bedside clock comes into focus, he grunts and begins to roll back over until it hits him…7:30 am…Crap, I’m gonna be late! Using super-speed, Clark blazed through a fast shower then raced out to the kitchen for what was to be an equally quick breakfast until coming to a full stop at the sight of Lana. Clad in white silk pajamas, blue wool robe and, most incongruously, pink bunny slippers, she barked, “Where the hell do you think you’re going, Mister?”

Almost apologetically, Clark responded, “Umm…to work, Dear. You know…my job?”

Glaring at Clark through the type of slitted eyelids that can only be achieved through sleep deprivation or a tequila hangover, she growled, “And what job would that be?”

Speaking slowly and pleasantly (‘cause Lana’s not easy to be around ’til she’s had her coffee in the morning), Clark replied, “The Daily Planet. I’m sure you remember it. Big, tall building with the shiny, golden, rotating planet thingy on top. It’s impossible to miss.”

“I remember just fine. You’re the one that doesn’t remember. You don’t work there anymore, haven’t for weeks!”

Becoming worried, Clark began to peer more closely at his wife, saying, “Are you okay, Lana? You haven’t suffered a head injury have you?” But the only thing wrong, that he could notice anyway, was those slippers. “Where’d you get those slippers?”

“From Lois,” came the terse reply.

Looking for some amplification of that last statement, Clark prodded, “What do you mean, ‘from Lois?’”

“That cow kept trying to steal my favorite nighttime accessory…you…so I stole hers instead. I hate pink.” With her first grin of the morning spreading rapidly across her face, Lana added, “But I’ll wear these slippers every night ‘til they fall apart…then I’ll tape ‘em together with duct tape and wear them some more.”

Finally coming alive as she smelled the Millstone French Roast being brewed in the Braun coffee-maker, Lana asked, “Clark, why do you think you still work at the Planet?”

“Why do you think I don’t?”

“Probably because you quit more than two months ago after the latest disaster.”

“I quit? Why’d I…what disaster?”

Hands going to the sides of her head, Lana said, “Not amnesia again! What happened this time, the Girl Scouts put green-K in the Thin Mints? Girl next door spike her lemonade with the stuff?”

Pointing to the wall, Lana said, “Read the calendar, Clark. It’s July. You quit two months ago after, umm, after everyone found out.”

“About what?”

“That you’re Superman.”

“Everybody knows?”

“Well, there might be a tribe somewhere in the depths of Borneo that hasn’t heard yet, but I’m confident they’ll learn soon.”

“Was that the disaster?”

“Not really. You were following a LuthorCorp helicopter through Metropolis one night, when you ‘lost control’ and took out a portion of the…the Daily Planet building. So you see, there is no more ‘shiny, golden, rotating planet thingy on top’ anymore.”

“I lost control?”

“Yeah, the most popular theory is that your fear of heights caused you to become disoriented in the dark and you crashed. I’m not sure how your fear of heights became public, but I suspect Bossy the Cow. We know, however, that the helicopter released a bag of green-K dust into the air. You got enough of it to lose control, but not enough to become vulnerable. So when you hit the Planet, there went most of the top of the building, including the giant, gold disco ball. Anyway, you were unconscious when they found you. It would have been okay, except you were carrying your ID, ‘just in case’ and they were able to ID Superman as being Clark Kent.

“What I want to know is, just in case what? Superman needed to write a check somewhere? Or you got pulled over for speeding at 20,000 feet?”

“How was I affected by the green-K? I had my suit impregnated with lead to protect me against green-K.”

“Apparently, you really wanted to, you just never got around to it.” Then, mumbling, “At least you wanted to impregnate something around here.”

“WHAT???”

“Come on , Clark, you haven’t shown any ‘interest’ in me in months.”

Stunned at the mounting revelations, Clark said, “Well, if I don’t have a job at least I can be Superman.”

“Uh…that would be a big NO!”

“Where is my suit, anyway? It wasn’t on my bedside chair like always, and what do you mean, ‘No?’”

“Hate to tell you this one, Clark, but, the suit’s not yours anymore.”

“What?”

“You had to sell the suit, the rights to the name, and your life story to some lame-ass company called DC Comics, just to get enough money to pay for the damages you caused. Also, to prevent everyone from finding out about green-K and what it does to you, you had to swear-off flying as part of the legal settlement.”

Almost in tears over the destruction of his life, Clark blubbered, “Do I have a job at all?”

Smiling again, Lana said, “Yes. You’ve been working since you left the Planet to open your own business. I’m not a big fan of the business you chose, but you have undeniable expertise in the field.”

“What is it?”

“A clothing store. You’re getting ready to open “Clark’s House o’ Plaid.”

TBC…

[binkys711]

:rotfl::lol:Clark's house of PLAID?! OMG!:lol::rotfl::lol:great start! can't wait to read the rest!

[Cardinal]

LuvClana...wow, a hip-hop Smallville! That's just the hizzle fo'-shizzle!

MOOman - that was great. Taking Clark's pathological need to blame himself to an absurd length!

Smilies all over the place! :) :) :) :) :)

[MOOman0618]

Originally posted by Cardinal
I suspect Bossy the Cow. We know


HA HA HA!!! So much Lois bashing on the Clana board as of late! :)

That was great!!! Clark’s House o’ Plaid Oh my gosh! Can't wait to hear more!!!:lol:

[ajfinn]

Mooman!!! Oh, dude!! I'm with the others. You had me at hello! I mean, you had me from the title, and I couldn't stop laughing my guts out!! Brilliant!!

5 stars :D

Holy "Bossy" Cow, Cardinal!!!! Ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahha!!! I even knew about storyline and laughed through the whole darn thing!! :D :lol:

Can't wait for more!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for coming through with your promise ;)

5 shiny stars for YOU too! :D

[MOOman0618]

For any who have read my short or will read it, please replace all occurrences of cloths with clothes. The reason I originally typed cloths is simply because I am a moron...just FYI.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by MOOman0618
For any who have read my short or will read it, please replace all occurrences of cloths with clothes. The reason I originally typed cloths is simply because I am a moron...just FYI.

Umm, I'm the champion typo-o moron around here, at least give me that, will you? :lol:

FYI, Everyone, I've started an index of the current stories and will try my best to keep up with them. I've edited my first "explanatory" post to include this index. If you see me spacing and not keeping it up to date, please remind me :D

Here's what I have so far:

Index of Current Stories - in Order of First Appearance
“The Wizard of El” by ajfinn (Post #4)
"Lanapuff Girls" by Mythos (Post #15)
"Smallville in Da Hood" by LuvClana (Post #32)
"Cliché" by MOOman0618 (Post #51)
"Amnesia" by Cardinal (Post #60)

I've put the post numbers so as this thread grows, people can easily find the fics they want to read. Hope it works :D I'm really happy that you guys like this thread. I knew we had some serious headcases out there!!! :lol:

[NYC300Z]

Ha ha Cardinal can't wait to see where ur going with ur story!

Yeah that's a good idea AJ!:D

[kewl]

i admit i still haven't read all the story posted in here but the first part are just so hilarious!!!! u guys are all nuts!!!!! :D :lol:

hey NYC, just sent u a PM but it says ur mailbox is currently full.. :D ;)

[NYC300Z]

Title Smallville Fairytail
Author NYC300Z
Pairing Clark and Lana ;)
Spoilers none
Summary I can't believe i'm doing this! ;) I know it's really bad :(

Once upon a time in a land far far away from the East Coast a place called Smallville, Kansas lived a certain super powered teen named Clark Kent. Now Clark was not your normal everyday teen. He lived on a farm for heavens sake and if that was not strange enough because his initials were Ck, he only wore Calvin Klein underwear! Oh yeah and he was an alien from the planet Krypton.

Also in the land of Smallville lived a king who was as bald as he was evil! He lived in a castle on the far side of the town. Now the evil king was very evil indeed not only did he control all of Smallville with his bald headed tyranny, but also he wanted to take over complete control of the local café / marshmallow factory, known as the Talon!

Now on top of the Talon there was a tall tower and in this tower lived the most heavenly of angles the pink princess herself Lana Lang. Lana had everything anyone could ever dream of while living in the Talon, but she was still not happy. She was trapped in the tower with no way out. Yet she wanted to be free and get out and see the world.

Our young friend CK had fallen in love with the pink princess. He longed to fly up to the top of the tower and break Lana out, but how would she feel knowing that the only reason she had been stuck in the tower all these years was because of him? For when Clark landed on Earth, he brought with him melted marshmallows and they hit the Talon when Lana was a child trapping her in the Talon. Since Clark’s mom now owned the Talon and mined the marshmallows in the crater left behind from their impact and distrusted them all over the world as “Ma Ma Kent’s Old Fashioned Marshmallows.” The Talon was also a coffee shop, but was famous for its hot chocolate with marshmallows. The marshmallows being from Krypton where infected with kryptonite thus making it impossible for Clark to get too close to them and rescue Princess Lana from her tower.

The Princess for as long as she could remember would watch Clark come to work with his mom and over the years she had fallen in love with him. Her and Clark had never talked much in fact when ever they did Clark always seemed constipated and even though he always said it wasn’t her Lana felt that it was. She so wished to be saved from her tower in fact she was dreaming right then that Clark was her prince charming and that he would storm the tower brake threw its impenetrable wall and the two of them would ride into the night together 4Ever

Meanwhile the evil cue ball aka the King of Smallville was busy concocting another plan to take over the Talon. He had sent his best men there many times, but they always came back complaining of an invisible force that kept tying them up with CK brand underwear and then as soon as they blinked they found themselves on the Kings baldhead. “This time” Lex thought to himself would be different he would go himself with a bag of Ma Ma Kent’s marshmallows because he had an idea of who had so much CK underwear.

TBC Maybe ;):p

[LuvClana]

hehe thats funny cant wait for me :D

[MOOman0618]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
The Talon was also a coffee shop, but was famous for its hot chocolate with marshmallows. The marshmallows being from Krypton where infected with kryptonite thus making it impossible for Clark to get too close to them and rescue Princess Lana from her tower.

Heehee, thats a new twist on Kryptonite! :lol:

Originally posted by NYC300Z
Her and Clark had never talked much in fact when ever they did Clark always seemed constipated and even though he always said it wasn’t her Lana felt that it was.


:rotfl: :rotfl:

HA HA! Its true, he does look awfully constipated!

Great story! Now you must finish it!

[ajfinn]

NYC!!!!!!!! I knew you had a funny bone in you!!!! Oh, that was very sticky & gooey, and hilarious at the same time. What do you mean "TBC Maybe"? You've left Lana in a tower trapped by marshmallows, Lex with an evil plan, and Clark in CK underwear. All too much for me to handle without you continuing the story :D

Please post part 2 soon!!

PPMS!! I should say! You've been using those little letters long enough with me!! Oh, here's some more of your own medicine (I've been waiting SO long to do this!!):

What TIME are you posting, NYC???? It's already morning, and you haven't posted yet.

How could you leave it there? You're evil.

What about Clark and Lana, are you going to let them kiss? What about Lex, is he going to stop the kiss? What about Martha, is she going to see them kiss? What about Chloe, is she going to ask them if they kissed? What about Lex's thugs, is Clark going to get his CK underwear back from them before he kisses Lana? What about the kiss, will it be long, or short, or passionate, or will Clark still be constipated? What about Lana, will she kiss Clark back??? Huh? HUH? HUHHHHH? I NEED answers, darn you! I can't wait any longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SmallvilleMan]

The funny is coming..............:D

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
The funny is coming..............:D

Oh yeahhhh!!! *aj braces herself!*

[MOOman0618]

Originally posted by ajfinn

PPMS!! I should say! You've been using those little letters long enough with me!! Oh, here's some more of your own medicine (I've been waiting SO long to do this!!):

What TIME are you posting, NYC???? It's already morning, and you haven't posted yet.

How could you leave it there? You're evil.

What about Clark and Lana, are you going to let them kiss? What about Lex, is he going to stop the kiss? What about Martha, is she going to see them kiss? What about Chloe, is she going to ask them if they kissed? What about Lex's thugs, is Clark going to get his CK underwear back from them before he kisses Lana? What about the kiss, will it be long, or short, or passionate, or will Clark still be constipated? What about Lana, will she kiss Clark back??? Huh? HUH? HUHHHHH? I NEED answers, darn you! I can't wait any longer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

aj is seeking revenge!

[LuvClana]

im laughing hard just thinking about this thread. Tis funny!

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by MOOman0618
aj is seeking revenge!

Actually, aj is coming up with a laundry list of requests she'd like to see in NYC's story. And THEN she is going to do an Ebert & Roeper type analysis of NYC's updates. And THEN she's going to start counting the minutes between each of his updates, to ensure that he's consistent. And THEN she's going to post four times a day (minimum) in CAPS to tell him to update NOW!

(Oh wait, aj just realized she's going to hold off on the caps until Binky writes a story!! ha ha ha ha)

Really, NYC, I'm SO glad you posted a story! I'm really excited to see the rest of it! :D

[Cardinal]

OMG! NYC has put his toe in the water, testing out this writing thing.

It wasn't a meteor storm, it was a marshmallow storm. So Lana's parents were killed by a giant marshmallow. At what point does Clark fight the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man? :D

Keep going NYC300Z!

[LoisNClark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: Ohhh Cardinal that was a great start!! Can't wait to hear more about the "house of plaid: :rotfl: :rotfl:

and NYC300Z that was hilarious!!!!, the marshmallows, the calvin klein underwear:rotfl::rotf::rotfl::rotfl:

hahahahahahahahahahahaha:rotfl: to both stories

[SVClana]

HAHAHAHA!!! This thread is HILARIOUS!! xD I might just write a story myself...I came up with the basic plot I just need to write it xD Haha can't wait to hear the continuations of all the stories!! xD

[binkys711]

CK underwear?! :rotfl::lol: and the marshmellows!!!!OMG!!!::rotfl::lol::rotfl:

(yes aj you just hold your CAPS for me;) I was starting my slapstick to put my foot in but my time has cut to itty bitty little pieces couse of school:( but one day i will put it up promise;))

gotta go! Peace Out !( i'm in school and the bell just rang...i hacked into my school computer net;):p but shhhhh...)

-binkys:cool:

[ClarksGirl21]

these are all so funny! haha.. you guys are hilarious!
i might have to write one of these myself.. i know you guys probably see me as totally serious.. but goshh.. i am such a little goofball. lol.. i dont know how good it will be, but i'm willing to try. :D

[ajfinn]

YES -- you should ALL write one!! That's what will make this thread so much fun is if we have a TON of crazy writers posting stories. :D

[NYC300Z]

OMG :lol::lol::lol:L:lol:L at AJ!! What u said in response to my story is literally had me LOL! Now i'm in for it huh? And I haven't even started working on the rest although I have thought it through though! But I have a six hour bus ride ahead of me tonight from 1 am til 7 am! So iono what's good! :lol:

oh and u guys have no idea how nervous I was going to this thread. I went through it page by page wondering if i should even check. last night at 6 am right b4 i went to bed I was so close to just deleting what i wrote!

[binkys711]

yay! back in!...but only for a few minutes:(...dude! 6hr bus ride?! :eek:...good luck:p

[NYC300Z]

yeah I do it all the time though! my friends say i'm crazy. I use to always drive it, but now with gas so high and the toll on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge tunnel going up to 12 dollars each way ( the highest toll in the country by the way) and not to mention Jersey Turnpike toll and Deleware Memorial bridge too and Delaware route 1 toll driving is too expensive compared to 40 dollars round trip on the Chinese Bus. Greyhound forget about it takes 17 hours!!! and is like 80 dollars one way!!

[binkys711]

ugh:mad:.....i feel sorry for you dude:p.....I'd be bankrupt by now:lol:

[LoisNClark]

i'd be bankrupt too:lol:
Binkys hacking into school computers congratulations:lol::p
ClarksGirl21 you should deffinetly give it a try!!!!

[LuvClana]

smallvill in the sixties possibly tomorrow :p

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by LuvClana
smallvill in the sixties possibly tomorrow :p

Awesome!! Can't wait!

[ClarksGirl21]

okay i wrote one.. it's totally weird.. but whatever.. here's mine..
i gotta finish it tomorrow though, cause i gotta go to bed after i post.

Title: Snowwhite, I mean.. Lana of course. ;)
Author: ClarksGirl21

Once upon a time there was a fair maiden , who lived in a palace with the Queen, her Aunt Nell. Lana, Lana Lang was her name. She was a princess under Nell, and she dispized Nell for this. Nell was cruel and didn't like Snow White... i mean Lana.. Lana would sit in her room brushing her hair, kissing the mirror and telling herself how beautiful she was. One day Aunt Nell was coming into Lana's room, when she stopped and saw Lana kissing the mirror like she always did.
"I am the fairest maiden of them all. And I do look damn hot in pink." she said smiling and winking at herself in the mirror. Then she gave a sexy look and then pretended to be in a facial wash comercial for black heads. "Black heads getting you down?" she said putting on a cute little tough face. "Then maybe you need Neutragena's black head face treatment!" she said holding up a Neutragena bottle and smiling. Then she put the bottle down. "This face was born to shine she said to herself." Striking a glamour posse.
Nell was completely jelous and thought Lana could not possibly more beautiful than herself. She stormed off down the hall into her secret lair. She walked over to a huge mirror with a floating head inside.
"Mirror mirror on the wall..." she said in a loud anxious voice. The floating head looked tired and he yawned with bordom.
"Who's the fairest of them all?" he said dryly and calm. Nell persed her lips and squished her face up all mad and steam shooting out of her ears and her face turned bright red.
"Well, who is it!!!??" she shouted annoyed throwing her hands down to her sides and stomping her foot throwing a hissy fit. The floating head rolled his eyes.
"Hmm.. Well if you must know." he went on, "It's .. well.. what can I say but, duh!" the mirror said with his face fading and showing Lana in her room.
"I told ya so." Lana said snotty into her mirror as if she new she was being watched. This infurriated Nell ! She called for her henchman.
"Lex! Lexy! Get in here!" she yelled through intercom. Then a hunched over bald man came into her lair in a pesant's cloak.
"Yes master?" he said in a creepy little Egore voice.
"Oh stop that, with the voice thing Lex, it's weird." she said heading over to the closet.
"Yes master." Lex said in the voice again. Nell gave him an evil glare. "Uhh, yeah.. sorry." he said looking away. Nell went back to digging through the closet.
"Lenny says Lana is the fairest of them all , Lex! How can that be?" She said still digging through things.
"Well, she is pretty fair." Lex said shrugging his shoulders. Nell quipped around quickly.
"What was that?" she said sharply. Lex fumbled.
"Uh.. I said I hope she gets eaten by a bear." he said putting on a fake smile. Nell shrugged it off and kept digging. "Nell?! What are you looking for?" Lex said finally.
"Here." Nell said handing her a pink fluffy bunny and an axe. "Take her into the woods for a walk. Distract her with the bunny, and when she's not looking.." Nell made a slit her throat signal.
"You mean kill her?" Lex said a bit worried.
"No, no, stick the wooden end up her nose."
"Oh.. haha.. of couse..." Lex looked away and spun his pointer finger around his ear. "HRrmm ,Crazy, HRrrrm!" he fake coughed.

Back in Lana's room, there was a tapping noise on her window. She turned around , and then shrugged it off. But, then she heard it again and got up to see what is was. She opened the window and.. BAM!
"OWWww!" Lana screamed, "My head!" she looked down to see Clark with an arm full of rocks. Seeing that she saw him too, he dropped the rocks where he stood.
"Uhh.. I saw the guy who did it ,Lana. I tried to stop him. Uhh.. yeah.. so, how's your head." he said putting putting on a smile and forced a laugh looking up at her.
"Oh, well I suppose I'm alright." she said like a damsel in distress. "Clark, you're looking espcially handsome today prince, that I hope to marry and have babies with, and grow old with, and die by my side." she said smiling and then forcing a laugh too once she had realized what she had said.
"What was that last part?" Clark said squinting and raising his eyebrow.
"Uhh.. nothing.. let's go for a walk, Clark." she said with a smile.
"Sure Princess. Repunsle , Repunsle throw down your long hair." Clark called to her window.
"Umm.. Clark, that's not the right story silly." she said giggling. "and.. my name isn't Repunsule."
"Oh, yeah.. sorry.." Clark said looking down.
"It's okay, you look hot when you pout." Lana said talking like Dawn Styles.
Lana walked out to the front steps and walked into forest with her Prince Charming Clark.
"Something about this seems vagly familiar." Lana said stopping at the foot of the forest. "Hmm.. Oh well." she shrugged it off and stepped into the forest hand in hand with Clark. But, little did they know someone was following them.
"Muahahaha!" Lex said in his evil laugh. "They never suspect me." he said to himself standing there in florecent hunting gear, flashing lights and sirens. "Think me and Nell over did it on the outfit part?" he thought for a minute. "...Naw." And he headed off after them.

<-- is it totally retarded?

[NYC300Z]

ha ha cool story clarksgirl :cool: can't wait for the rest! :lol: but it's ok take ur time!

[Cardinal]

Not bad! Lex's outfit rules! I also liked, "Told ya' so." :)

[ajfinn]

Awesome bunch of silliness, Clarksgirl!!!! Keep us up to date on our sweet Prince Clark, and his Diva Princess.

:D

[MOOman0618]

Originally posted by ClarksGirl21
"HRrmm ,Crazy, HRrrrm!" he fake coughed.


HA HA! :rotfl:

That was awesome! You are going to continue this story right!?!

[LuvClana]

loved it! please continue!

[MOOman0618]

LuvClana...you still planning on posting your other story today? Smallville in the sixties?

[LoisNClark]

that was great please continue:rotfl::lol: and yeah LuvClana are you gonna post your story!!!

[midnite_spark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :lol: :lol: :lol: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

oh man!! this thread is hilarious!!!!! love the stories guys!! keep up the humor :lol: :lol:

[ClarksGirl21]

aww.. thanks guys =) .. i told you i'm really good at not being serious.. lol someone else should write one now because they are really fun!

[LuvClana]

sorry I couldn't post topday but if you look at my post in my 'ties that bind' thread you'll see why

[LovinMe210]

HAHAHAHAHAH Can't stop laughing!

[binkys711]

Binkys hacking into school computers congratulations
ClarksGirl21 you should deffinetly give it a try!!!!

jejeje...and i got away with it too!...well sort of.....she was dictating something so we should copy it but I was in here distracted by you guys!....when i tried to laugh i would have to cough it off...evryone kept staring at me:p...i think the teach thought i was sick or something:p...

great story ClarksGirl! that was funny :rotfl::lol:! I loved it! can't wait 'till the next part!

(btw i've been writting my slapstick in my spare time...when i'm computerless:p and it's coming but it's all in writting so i still have to tipe it up! argh!...:mad:...mad props to the writers who do this!.....great job guys! your all amazing!:);))

[MOOman0618]

Looking forward to it Binks!

[LoisNClark]

:lol: binks and can't wait to read your story

[clana4ev3r]

No, no, stick the wooden end up her nose."

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHA!!!!! :rotfl:

that is a great story... can't stop laughing.... hahahahaha... :lol:

[binkys711]

soooo..who's next on the slapstck?!...mine isn't ready yet...but i'm working on it;)...anybody else up for the challenge....aj will probably push us all into it, I would like to spare innocent lives from the wrath of aj's persuasiveness:p

[Clana-follower06]

I can't wait to read ur story binks! But I guess I might have to wait a while so I will try to be patient. *glances anxiously at clock*

[NYC300Z]

Yeah can't wait for ur story Binkys!! :)

[MOOman0618]

Well...there are several in here that need to be updated! I think we should get some of them too!

[Cardinal]

I know where my story will go. It should just take one update to finish off my story, but I have to write Part II of Truth on my "Lifetime" fic first. I guarantee that I'll finish "Amnesia" this weekend. :D

[LoisNClark]

can't wait Cardinal and Binks

[LuvClana]

Author: Soupy
Username: LuvClana
Title: Smallville in the Sixties
Slapstick: #2
Rating: PG-13

Smallville in the sixites.

Clark comes down the stairs for breakfast wearing a loose, half-buttoned orange shirt with tight flower patterned pants and an orange belt around his head.

Clark: Hey dad!

Jonathon is wearing tight brown pants and a very loose red shirt. His hair is down to his shoulders.

Jonathon: Son! How was your weekend?

Clark: It was *****en! That party at the Talon was bad!

Martha (wearing disco outfit): So you had fun?

Clark: right on! That Lex guy is one cool cat!

Jonathon: No way, son! He's a candy ass!

Clark: Ok, daddy-o! Later!

Clark superspeads to the talon where he sees Chloe, Lana, and Lios wearing matching bellbottoms and flower shirts.


Lana: Hey, cat! Saw you at the party last night! You were docked out!

Chloe: Yea Clark. It was awesome!

Clark: Look that ditz Dawn took my wallet last night, dig?

Lois: That girl is a Flower Child!

Clark: But you looked fab! (to Lana)

Lana: You know Clark, we could go stead.

Clark: That'd be swell!

Chloe: Get a room!

Lois: Clark you cat! Better him than a candyass, Lana!

Lois and Chloe leave Clark and Lana alone in the Talon.

Lana: You know that Pete is a real gone cat! Hes fly!

Clark: Yea, hes a gone dude!

Lana: I heard Chloe say she thought he was a hunk.

Clark: eh?

Lana: Thats right!

Clark: When he came to her, she jammed! Scared out of her mind!

Lana: Shes afraid she'll be knocked up!

Clark: Really? Pete don't got cooties!

Lana: She don't think so! She thought he was loaded!

Clark: No way! Pete;s never had a brew!

Lana: His old man got em in his coolerm though.

Clark: True!

Clark and Lana skip linking arms to the night club called 'Disco Fever 101' They start dancing to disco music when Pete comes up to them.

Pete: Hey cat!

Clark: Hey dude! Man that party last night was outta sight!

Pete: Loo have you seen Chloe? I was gonna ask her to the passion pit!

Clark: Shes afraid she'll get knocked up!

Pete: Nah!

Lana: Shes over there. C ya later!

Clark: That Pete really is a real gone cat!

Lana: Sure is!

Clark pulls out a movie from his pocket.

Clark: Wanna go back to my bad and watch this?

Lana: O! A moon light night! Where di you get it?

Clark: I ripped it off of John.

Lana: Fly!

Clark and Lana skip to the car and drive home. He put the movie in and they began to watch it.

Lana: Got anything we can scarf.

Clark: Soome potato chips.

He got them food.

Lana: Yum! This movie is gone! Nice score!

Clark: Thanks!

Lana: How much did you pay for your car?

Clark: Not much scratch.

Lana: cool!

Clark: Lanan your so fine! Your *****en!

Lana: Clark your not such a candyass yourself!

Clark: That Lex is square!

Lana: Yea, he didn't even have a suicide knob on his wheel!

Clark: Yea!

Lana: This movie is fly!

Clark: Yea!

Lana: Lets truck to the Talon and get a malt.

Clark: Sure!

Clark and Lana drive to the talon. They eat food and malts. They were ummy. Lois walks in.

Lois: Hey cat!

Clark: Hey Lois!

Lois: That party was wicked!

Lana: Yea!

Clark: I gotta take a wiz!

Clark goes and pees and comes back.

Lana: Yea!

Clark: What!

Lana: I mean fly!

Clark then smiles and superspeeds Lana to his loft where they find Chloe and Pete.

Lana: Guess she lost her fears.

THE END!

A/N: This story didn't really have a point but it was fun to use the 60s Slang. If your ahving trouble deciphering it, go here: http://cougartown.com/slang.html

I got it all from there! Coming soon: Prehistoric Smallville.

[linn]

dat was a great story

[SVsleuth]

Okay, y'all. I read all the Slapstick posted before today. MOOman, you had me laughing the hardest. AJ, you next. I was reading the stories aloud to my girls, when our TV wouldn't work today at the hotel (we blew a circuit breaker - it's fixed now). We all had a GOOD LAUGH. The girls helped me get the "LanaPuff Girls" & "Da Hood" since they were more versed in those things than I was. It was a great way to lighten the mood instead of watching more wall-to-wall disaster coverage. (It's hard to see New Orleans burning.) :( Thanks for the laughs y'all.

[LoisNClark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
That was hilarious LuvClana!! Can't wait for prehistoric smallville!!!!!!!!:D

[NYC300Z]

cool story :cool: :lol: it was out of sight!! :lol: can't wait for the next one!!

[binkys711]

Oh dude! that was great!....although i had to visit that sight to look up a few words:p.....but still imagining them say that! hilarious!:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:...great job! can't wait 'till prehistoric SV!

[MOOman0618]

Oh my gosh LuvClana that was great! No idea where you pull this stuff from, but keep it comin! :lol:

[Cardinal]

That was so fly! :)

[MOOman0618]

Super-fly!

[ajfinn]

LuvClana, you're one fly, hip chic :) Thanks for the ******* laugh ( ha ha , whatever the heck that meant!)

[Ketchup]

Cant wait for like... a Soviet SV or something :rotfl:

[LuvClana]

I have a plan for Prehistoric SV
Smallville meets the OC
1500s Smallville
Smallville on the Mayflower
and Salesman Smallville

[Cardinal]

Amnesia - Part II

Part I is located on Page 4, post #60

I originally indicated that this would be the last update, but it will go one more. :p



Amnesia - Part II

“Clark’s House of Plaid?” Clark shrieked. “What genius came up with that idea?”

“That would be Captain Flannel himself,” said a grinning Lana.

“Who? I know all the superheroes. I don’t know a Captain Flannel. Flash, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, Batman, the list goes on, but no Captain Flannel.”

“Well, he’s kinda new. He’s tall, has wavy, ebon-colored locks, the most dazzling blue eyes, and is built like a…what’s that phrase of your dad’s…‘a brick outhouse?’”

“Sounds like you’re attracted to this guy,” said a glowering Clark.

“Oh, no doubt about it, he’s totally hot!” Circling around the kitchen table, Lana grabbed Clark by the hand and led him back upstairs. “It’s time to try on your new outfit…Captain!”

“Captain?” Clark spluttered, “I’m Captain Flannel?”

“Of course, Clark. You don’t think anyone else is going to wear an outfit like this do you? Even Stevie Wonder would cringe upon ‘seeing’ Captain Flannel. But I guarantee that no one will forget you once they’ve seen you in this outfit.”

Reaching into Clark’s closet, Lana pulled out hanger and said, “Put this on.” As Clark took the clothes and began to do his wife’s bidding, she continued, “It’s a good thing you still want to be a superhero, though they may not let you back into the Justice League until you prove yourself again.” Getting excited, Lana turned to Clark, waving her hands for emphasis while saying, “See, if Captain Flannel takes off like I think he will, then we’ll have a celebrity endorser for Clark’s House o’ Plaid. You can tell everyone that they can get their own plaids at the same place that Captain Flannel shops.”

“Who made this anyway?”

“Your mom did. After all, she made your last superhero suit.”

Finally attired, Clark stepped in front of the full-length mirror and took his first look.

“It doesn’t fit as snug as the Superman suit,” he said dubiously. “I think if I wear this, I’ll gain a new superpower though. Anyone that sees me will be instantly struck blind.”

“You mom tried to stay as close to your Superman color combos as possible.”

“That would explain the blue plaid flannel body suit and the red plaid flannel briefs over the top, but where’s the cape?”

“No cape this time. It only looked good when you flew, and you’ve been permanently grounded. Besides,” Lana said with a growing mischievous grin, “I want everyone to see my man’s ‘Buns of Steel’ this time.”

“Does this suit have any shoes?”

“Yeah, they’re in the closet. We decided to go with regular farm work boots, only dyed red just like the Superman boots.”

Putting on the boots, Clark then stood in front of the mirror and said, “There’s no way around it, I look like a dork!”

“Umm…Clark, Superman looked like some big kid running around in his longjohns, but no one cared ‘cause of the good he did. You’ll be just fine.”

Reaching into her dresser, Lana said, “Now stay there, I’ve got an outfit of my own to try on. I’m not a superhero or anything, but I’m going to work at the store with you and this outfit might help show the ladies that plaid can be attractive.”

Emerging from the bathroom a couple of minutes later, Lana said, “Okay, Clark, take a look.”

Clark did as bidden. Turning his head, his eyes popped wide open and his chin nearly hit the ground as he saw Lana in her red-and-blue plaid tankini. As she pirouetted slowly for his viewing enjoyment, Clark eyed his wife up and down, taking in the high-cut bottoms of her suit and the low-cut, midriff-baring top.

“Well, Clark, say something.”

“Duhhhhhh is the first thing that comes to mind. The second is you can’t go out like that, or else my first superhero rescue as Captain Flannel will be to save your luscious bod from just about every guy that comes into the store.”

As he said this, a burning sensation began to build behind his eyes. Oh crap, this hasn’t happened since high school. Super-speeding to get out of the house in time, Clark was out in the backyard when it happened. Tightly-focused beams of heat shot out of his eyes and his head waved back and forth wildly in a complex pattern. When he was finished, a strange geometric shape was burning brightly on the back lawn.

Running down to see what was the matter, Lana took in the burning pattern and asked, “Is it Kryptonian? What does it mean?”

Answering her with a wild look in his eyes, Clark said, “Yes, it’s the Kryptonian symbol for Horny.” With that, Clark grabbed his wife under her knees and shoulders, lifting her into the air, and said, “If I haven’t been ‘interested’ in you for the past few months, I can only plead brain damage, but I am definitely gonna make that up to you right now.”

Clark sped his way back upstairs before Lana’s giggled, “Oh goody,” even had a chance to leave her mouth.

TBC in Part III

[LuvClana]

HAHAHAHAHA that was HLARIOUS! PPMS!

[clana4ev3r]

hahahhaa! that was funny!

[binkys711]

:rotfl: great update dude! I loved it!....PPMS!!!:lol:

[LoisNClark]

:lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol: that was hilarious!!!
PPMS!!!:rotfl:

[ajfinn]

Umm, geez, Card, can't I be in THIS story too? Ha ha. I call to be cyber-Lana!!!!

Great update, very funny. It's nice to learn new, interesting, Kryptonian words. :lol:

[LoisNClark]

oh yeah the new kryptonian symbol;) :lol:

[binkys711]

I wonder what that symbol looks like?...:confused::eek:

[SmallvilleMan]

The funny is coming...........

[Cardinal]

Yeah, sure it is. At this rate Ketchup and 4Ever will both update before your "funny" gets here! :p

[binkys711]

lol, :lol:

[SmallvilleMan]

How dare you doubt me like that. Maybe i'll convert to Chlark just for that comment and bring the funny over there.

[Cardinal]

Why dontcha convert to the Metric System while you're at it?

[binkys711]

NOOOOO!!!.....we need all the clana reinforcement we can get:(....but erm...when are you gonna post up your slapstick?:confused:

[SmallvilleMan]

I'll post when i'm ready. The funny isn't just something that is always there, it has to happen during a certain time.

[Kal-El & Me]

Originally posted by ajfinn
Yeah, that's true. Originally I was gonna post this in fanfic discussions, but we've got so MUCH more love on the Clana board :D

There was one hint of Clana in this last Lanapuff story. Lana got all dressed up cute just to see Clark, then duty called at the last second, and she had to stand him up. Now, I wonder what ridiculous excuse she'll have to use for that? Role reversal, huh?



On problem Kal-El&Me, is that this thread only allows for three updates to the same story :( So it's just supposed to be for really short stories. My Wizard of El story will only be three updates long.

Hee hee. The Clana on the beach fic is only a prargraph long. So you might want me to maker it longer.

[Ketchup]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

LMFAO! Its Kryptonian for Horny!

[NYC300Z]

Just read the update to ur story Cardinal! :lol::lol::lol: I'd have to say I enjoyed a little more than the first!! :lol: great job!!

[Kal-El & Me]

I want to know what the Horny symbl looks like! Describe it the best you can.

[LuvClana]

Wow, we all really do have twisted minds. AJ was right!

[Cardinal]

Given that this board is PG-13 and that a number of our readers are minors, I'm gonna be safe and not describe the horny symbol.

You folks have sufficient imagination to create your own designs in your minds. ;)

[4EverSmallville]

Oh my goodness, this thread :eek:. There are no words.

Originally posted by Cardinal
Yeah, sure it is. At this rate Ketchup and 4Ever will both update before your "funny" gets here! :p

You know, I'm not appreciating browsing the boards and seeing these discreet little chides at me :lol:.

[Cardinal]

There's one surefire way to stop that 4Ever...

[4EverSmallville]

:rolleyes:. Here I am with homework in every subject, which is seven by the way, and am pulling out my memory disk, just to get you people off my back :lol:.

[Kal-El & Me]

Originally posted by 4EverSmallville
:rolleyes:. Here I am with homework in every subject, which is seven by the way, and am pulling out my memory disk, just to get you people off my back :lol:.

You only have sevent classes 4ever??? I'm only in eight grade and I have lets see... *counts on fingers*..... 9 this quarter including Study Hall!!! And I'm only in eight grade! :mad:

Are you sure you don't mean 7 periods.

[4EverSmallville]

Nope, seven classes lol. 2 Science, 1 math, 1 lit, 1 health, 1 history, 1 language. I assure you, what I lack in course weight, I make up for in course load :lol:.

Study hall doesn't count lol.

[Kal-El & Me]

Originally posted by 4EverSmallville
Study hall doesn't count lol. [/B]

Alright fine.

But you still have more homework than me even though I have more classes. Ha Ha.:p :p :p

[Ketchup]

Originally posted by 4EverSmallville
Nope, seven classes lol. 2 Science, 1 math, 1 lit, 1 health, 1 history, 1 language. I assure you, what I lack in course weight, I make up for in course load :lol:.

Study hall doesn't count lol.

Woah, hope you like science :p Im taking Bio 2 AP, Calc AP, Eng 4 AP, Robotics, and also an Anatomy course at Univ of Texas at Dallas. Few classes but A LOT of hw =/

[ajfinn]

Ketchup & 4Ever, man, I'd love to talk to your English teachers. I can't imagine their responses to your writing :D

You're both SO amazing for you age, I can't even begin to tell you.

Now, if you could ONLY, ONLY, ONLY exercise that talent a little bit more for those groveling at your feet for fic crumbs :lol:

Oh, and then, you can post a story here on the Slap Stick thread.

As for part 2 of the Wizard of El, I was hoping to do it today, but it's not going to happen. I have to update my other fic.

*let's see, what do people care about most? Getting Clark down the yellow brick road, or saving little Marg's life?* That's a tough one.

[LoisNClark]

Originally posted by ajfinn
*let's see, what do people care about most? Getting Clark down the yellow brick road, or saving little Marg's life?* That's a tough one.
:lol:

[Ketchup]

Clark down the yellow brick road of course! And my English teacher hates my essays, cuz I turn in half-asses rough drafts. I only like writing fiction... all of those college essays bore me to death.

[SmallvilleMan]

Nope, seven classes lol. 2 Science, 1 math, 1 lit, 1 health, 1 history, 1 language. I assure you, what I lack in course weight, I make up for in course load

oh BOO WOO, I have school, plus football. BEAT THAT:p

[NYC300Z]

Originally posted by 4EverSmallville
You know, I'm not appreciating browsing the boards and seeing these discreet little chides at me :lol:.


HA HA Yes 4Ever u know there is only one way to stop that!~:lol:

[LuvClana]

AJ, do you really have to ask that question ? :p

[Kal-El & Me]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
oh BOO WOO, I have school, plus football. BEAT THAT:p

I have school plus soccer, plus karate, PLUS K-SITE!

BEAT THAT! :p :p :p

[binkys711]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
oh BOO WOO, I have school, plus football. BEAT THAT:p

jejeje....School, volleyball, soccer, chorus, guitar lessons! BEAT THAT DUDE! and i'm still here more than most of you guys!

*sticks out toungue*
*in a kid tone*
Na, Na, Na-Na Nah!

(btw last yr was my 8th grade and had 14 classes, 8 a day....my school works us overload!:( but this year I have 9 classes 8 a day:\ a little better and passed top 3rd in my class....this yr im rooting for 1st:D:D:D)

[LoisNClark]

i have 4 hr a day gymnastics practices, track in the spring, violin, drama, student council, and 8 classes a day, and k-site at least once a day beat that;):p

and hope you get 1st Binks!!!!!!!!

[itsallinthespelling]

i have 4 ap classes and 4 honors classes. i have guitar practice, and work 5 days a week. i do my homework, and still somehow find time to do some artwork for the fanart thread. beat that :P

[Cardinal]

*Shakes head in dumbfounded amazement*

I can't believe I'm doing aj's job for her, but we really need to get back on topic here.

This need to show who is the busiest isn't quite related to humorous fanfics! ;)

Oh yeah, Go Binks! :D

[binkys711]

:D....I think i'm winning right now...but then again we've only had 5 days of school:p....oh and yes...erm....my slapstick is still in work in progress....but i already tiped up the 1st page from writing to comp...but turned out to be incredibly small:\....but I promise i'll post it...one day:p

[LoisNClark]

can't wait to read it binks!!!!!:D

[ajfinn]

*aj nods her bossy head in agreement* Yep, Card, thanks for getting everyone back on topic.

Yes, we do need a thread to just BS, but k-site doesn't allow it. And we don't want what Clana support we have to be shut down, right?

So -- fics - I updated my other one tonight and will hopefully be able to start working on The Wizard of El part 2 :D

[4EverSmallville]

Originally posted by ajfinn
Ketchup & 4Ever, man, I'd love to talk to your English teachers. I can't imagine their responses to your writing :D

You're both SO amazing for you age, I can't even begin to tell you.

Now, if you could ONLY, ONLY, ONLY exercise that talent a little bit more for those groveling at your feet for fic crumbs :lol:

Oh, and then, you can post a story here on the Slap Stick thread.


Do I seriously need to dig out an English essay for you aj? :lol:.

I don't know about Ketchup, his work seems pretty serious too, but it's not likely I'll be posting stories in here. I'm only funny when I'm not trying to be lol. If it's any consolation, aj, your pm should be in the mail soon :lol:.

[LuvClana]

yayayayay! Prehistoric Smallville comes today also :p

[LoisNClark]

can't wait to read wizard of el and prehistoric smallville today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[NYC300Z]

pre-historic Smallville reminds me of Cardinal's old user text...:lol: yes I remeber that discussion in the Clana Clubhouse and yes I did see the movie once on TV although didn't pay that much attention to it. My Papou was watching it! :lol:

[LuvClana]

Author: LuvClana
Rating: pg-13
Spoilers: none
Name: Prehistoric Smallville
Slapstick: #3

Prehistoric Smallville

ACT ONE

Clark walks out of his cave and stretches in the sunlight. His plaid leopard skin shirt is pretty and itchy. Hia hair is messy and his teth are big and crooked.

Clark: Ugga Rugga Moo! (what a fabulous day it is today, father!)

Jonathon: Moo ma ugga lugga vroom! (Yup)

Clark: Vaka ( I must go now to wo Lanan to be my girlfriend, then we will go and be eloped in the Trex gravyeard. Tata, papa!)

Jonathon: Gooah nugga wugga! (have fun, son!)

Clark superspeeds to Lanas cave where she is swinging on her dinobone swing.

Lana: vooga Hunk! ( Heya Clark!)

Lanan is wearing a dress made out of dinosaur hide. Shes rather ugly. Hey, it is the second century you know!

Clark: vooga Sexy! ( Hiya Lana)

Lana (shyly): ga ugga moosh kama? ( what do you want to do today?)

Clark: sexy, ooga kissy kissy? (will you be my girlfriend?)

Lana: uhh..... (well I don't know, Clark. Will you treat me nice?)

Clark nodds his head vigorously.

Lana: uh..... (hmmm, well will you love me forever?)

Clark nods yet again.

Lana: ooo! (sure!)

Clark laughs and claps his hands.

Clark: kissy!

Lana smiles.

Clark: kissy kissy (he claps again)

Lana smiles again.

Clark: kissy kissy kis-

Lana slaps his head.

Lana: heehaa! (we get it! I'm your girlfriend!)

Clark: uh..... (ok)

Chloe skips to them with a big flat stone in hand and a peice of charcoal in the other.

Chloe: agga bugga cugga dugga (Want to hear my new story of you, Clark?)

Clark points at Lana: kissy!

Chloe drops her stone on clarks foot. It breaks.

Chloe: gambree! oo mucha fwee! ( how could you!)

She runs away.

Lana: VROOM! (OMG clark! she dropped that on you and you didn't even flinch! Clark are you hiding comthing from me? ARE YOU A METEOR FREAK?!?!)

Clark: kissy?

Lana: boo! (ok i still love you)

Clark and Lana skip off hand in hand smiling singing the 'kissy hunk and sexy' song.

A/N: coming soon PS Act Two

[SpeedyKate91]

that was hilarious. Cant wait for part two. PPms!!

[linn]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!

[Kal-El & Me]

that was quite funny, Luv Clana.

[ajfinn]

Oh my gosh!! Seriously, that was hilarious!! You came up with the funniest caveman words imaginable!!! My favorites are:

Ugga Rugga Moo!
sexy, ooga kissy kissy?
vooga Hunk!
gambree! oo mucha fwee!

Dang, I'm dying here. I'm going to start using those words all the time now!! Oh, and I know what YOU'RE thinking Cardinal. Lana - zug zug :lol:

[4EverSmallville]

lol LuvClana that was cool. I was expecting 'zug zug' in there though. I would have :rotfl: at that. Good job.

[Cardinal]

Am I that transparent? :D

Actually, that's what Clark "Ringo" Kent is thinking right now.




Jonathon: Moo ma ugga lugga vroom! (Yup)

Clark: Vaka ( I must go now to wo Lanan to be my girlfriend, then we will go and be eloped in the Trex gravyeard. Tata, papa!)



I loved how it took Jonathon four words to say, "Yup," but Clark only needed one word to say, "I must go now to wo Lanan to be my girlfriend, then we will go and be eloped in the Trex gravyeard. Tata, papa."

[ajfinn]

uugga booga zug zug :) I'm still laughing my head off :lol:

Seriously, I am, it's rolling on the floor like this :rotfl:

[4EverSmallville]

I noticed that too Cardinal. I think that was my favorite part how sentences took one word and one word took sentences :rotfl:.

[SmallvilleMan]

The funny is coming.............

[LuvClana]

lol yea I did that on purpose. Glad you all liked it. I'll add zug zug in there in act two :D

[Cardinal]

Dang it, SVM! You've run more promos for this than the WB does for the real show.

At least with the real show, we know there's gonna be some substance to back up the promotion! :D

[SmallvilleMan]

BWAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hey, at least you know with me there's going to be no lexana or there's just going to be a lot of making....... I just had an idea, BWAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHA. Be patient, all good things come to those who wait. And i got the gold, everyone and everything else is just second best.

[itsallinthespelling]

so in other words, you haven't got the slightest clue as to what your going to write about :p

[SmallvilleMan]

I do and I don't, it's just all a matter of putting it together. Like I said the funny just comes to you, you don't go to it.

[clana4ev3r]

LOOOOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! :rotfl:

[MOOman0618]

Awesome Pre-historic Smallville! :rotfl:
Can't wait for part 2! :lol:

Woohoo for 'The Funny' Can't wait for that either.

[NYC300Z]

Yeah pre-historic Smallville was mad funny LuvClana! hope part 2 is soon!

[SmallvilleMan]

THE FUNNY IS IN THE BUILDING. *Waits for applause.* Thank you, Thank you.:cool:

Authur: The Funny.
Rating: PG-13
Short Summary: Clark and Lana are watching Smallville, that's right, watching Smallville(I know, how creative am I?).

Clark and Lana are on their couch at home. Lana sitting on Clark's lap with a bowl of popcorn as they turn on the dvd and are watching Smallville Season 3 episode 1.

The dvd is now showing Clark or Kal breaking into the ATMs to the music of "Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money."

"Is that true Lana?" Clark asked looking up at her. "Do you only like cars and money?"

"Off course not dear, we love that amazingly hott body of yours." She runs her hands down his chest. "Not to mention that incredible package." She winks at him.

"What? Really? Guys care about your feelings and what's inside that counts." Clark turns his head away and then starts to laugh. "Yeah right." They both laugh and turn their attention back to the t.v.

The scene is now the one where Kal and the girl kiss. "Wow, some boyfriend you are Clark. Kissing that girl." Lana said.

"Hey, give me a break. I was on red k and not to mention i did the whole half-witted kiss.* Points to the tv., "See look, i didn't even care, she was a horrible kisser. I'd rather have been kissing a pole." Lana giggles.

They turn their attention back to the t.v., where Kal is now shaking hands with the bar tender. "hehehe, nice afro, is this a back to the 70's episode?" Lana laughed.

"It works well for the guy though, he was pretty cool." Clark acknowledged. The scene is now Clark in the phone booth.

"That is so Superman 1." Lana mocked.

"I know Lana, i told them that, but they wouldn't listen. I mean having Clark go to a phone booth is stupid, but Al/Miles have a limited imagination what can I say?" Clark shook his head.

Then the theme song came on, "Somebody save me, yep, that's all i do is save people. Someone always needs saving, RIGHT LANA." He looks up at her and she turns to him. "Hey, you only needed to save me, what? 3 or 4 times? Clark rolled his eyes. "Please, I have you on 15. Although i do enjoy having you my arms all those times." Clark raised his eyebrows. "No wonder why you save me. It's just a sex thing." Lana poked Clark and he replied. "Off course it is." He grinned

A couple of minutes later they arrive at the bank scene. "I love the special affects on his one, you look so hott when flames come out of your eyes." Lana pointed out.

"It does, doesn't it." Clark grins.

"I also love how you throw those guys around." She places her hand all around his arm.

"What can I say? I work out." Lana laughs.

"Yeah right, we both know it's because you're an alien." Clark puts his head. "It's okay though, aliens are hott. Especially my alien." She kisses his cheek.

The t.v. is now on the talon, the Chloe and Lana scene. "Damn, you look fine, in that little waitress outfit." Clark said smiling.

"I wear it for you, not for those peeping tom's sitting the corner pretending to drink their coffee, while they check me out." Lana shivers. "Oh here's the part where Chloe keeps telling me you're not coming back and you moved on. I was like HELLO, I know he hasn't moved on Chloe, it says it right here in the script, Clark is waiting for Lana. Did you miss that or something?" Lana gets frustrated.

"Really! It said it right there, plain as day, CLARK IS WAITING FOR LANA.." Clark shook his head. "Geez and i thought she was suppose to be a reporter." They continue to watch, but get bored
and fast foward to Lex's funeral.

"Lionel is so boring, blah blah blah. My son this, my son that. I'm bored to death waiting for you to get here, i haven't seen you in three months and a girl can only take so much."

"I'm sorry, I was putting on my best shirt and the new tommy hilfiger colon." Clark looked up sorry.

"It's okay, at least I got to see you for about three seconds. That is until you ran away like a little girl." Clark looked up surprised.

"HEY! I didn't run away like a little girl. The produces just yelled cut and i stepped off the set, then they started filiming again."

"Sorry honey." She kissed his forehead.

The scene is now Lana and Chloe talking about Chloe finding Clark. "I can't believe Chloe found you and didn't tell me. That was so uncool of her." Lana folded her arms.

"It was, just imagine how much fun we could have had if you found me, instead of Chloe. We would stay up in my apartment all day and never need to go home." Clark grinned.

"Doing what? Mr. Kent!" Lana questioned him.

"Playing checkers off course." Lana nodded and turned her head, as Clark flashed a quick smirk. Lana has now found Clark in the episode.

"I love riding that bike and wearing those shades." Clark said with satisfaction.

"Yeah, you think you're so cool, don't you?" Lana got up and imitated him.

"I don't look like that." Clark told her.

"Oh yes you do, you do that little shoulder shrug and put on that stupid smirk, like you think you're the man."

"Fine, I'll give you that, but it's not as funny as you look when you're angry." The scene on the t.v. is now the one where Clark and Lana are at Atlantis. "Look at the way you crunch up your nose, you look like a chipmunk." Clark laughed and pointed at Lana, who nodded her head annoyed.

"Okay, we're even. Now let's enjoy this kiss." Clark and Lana kiss on the t.v. Then Clark giggles, "You did horrible on that one. That kiss was all me."

Lana got up and look at him with her mouth open. "Oh and like the one in "Calling" or "Exodus" wasn't all me. Give me a break, mr. macho man. Let's not forget about Nicodemus either."

"Fine, i'll take you on right now. Loser has to admit that the winner is the better kisser."

"You're on, macho man." They shook hands, then made out furiously.

"Control that tongue of yours Kent." Lana said between breaths.

"Control that knee of yours, not every body part is made of steel." They finally break their kiss and they both sigh and say at the same time. "Draw." Then they turn their attention back to the movie.




Next time on Clark and Lana, Clark and Lana finish their movie and visit the K-site.

[midnite_spark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

omigod the Prehistoric Smallville was hilarious!!

"kissy kissy!" :rotfl: :rotfl:

[NYC300Z]

The Funny has arrived and it's :lol: it's.. :lol: pretty funny!:lol: very wierd too having Clark and Lana watching Smallville not Tom and Kristin so it's like how does that work! :lol: so their going to visit k-site huh? Finish their movie?? do u mean episode of Smallville? :lol:

[SmallvilleMan]

It's a dvd, can be known as a movie type thing. And it definitly wouldn't work as Kristen and Tom, because then i'd have to invite Tom's wife. Which then there'd be no flirting and you need the flirting in the story. It's fiction, so anything works.

[NYC300Z]

oh ok so movie Dvd thing got it! and yeah yeah i know i was just saying seesh....besides ur right it works better that way!:D

[LoisNClark]

Prehistoric smallville was absolutely hilarious:rotfl::lol::rotfl:

Smallvilleman that was hilarious as well:lol::rotfl::lol:
can't wait to read when they visit k-site:lol:

[SpeedyKate91]

the funy was definatley funny

[MOOman0618]

HA! :lol: :lol: :lol:

That was great...Lana and Clark watching Smallville was great! I am very intrigued to find out what they think of all of us on K-site!

[ajfinn]

SVM!!That was the funny, dude!! Very funny! What a hilarious idea! I'm glad you did Clark and Lana watching themselves, all the better!!

I'm anxious to see what other eps you can mock. There's oh, about 85 of them that you could really make fun of :lol:

[NYC300Z]

:lol: what is that all of them AJ! :lol:

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
:lol: what is that all of them AJ! :lol:

Uhh, yeah!! Oh my gosh, SVM, if you get bored of doing this line of fanfics, pass it to me. What a brilliant idea -- kudos to you for both creativity and bringing on the funny!

There's SO much to make fun of in every single episode.

[NYC300Z]

:lol: yeah u so could make fun of every episode!! if u don't do it that be great if u do it AJ!!

[ajfinn]

We'll let SVM sit on his throne of funny, that was great!

[NYC300Z]

yeah iight! werd!

:lol:

:lol:

[MOOman0618]

Wow...its going to be like some sort of cracked out DVD commentary.

[binkys711]

dude! prehistoric SV and SVM's funny were.....funny:p :rotfl::lol: great job guys!;)

[clana4ev3r]

LOOOLLLZZZZ SVM!!!!! THAT was sooooo :rotfl: hahahhahahahahaa :lol: :rotfl:

[Ketchup]

OMFG Prehistroic SV was HILARIOUS!!! You really shouldnt make me laugh in the middle of the night... :lol:

Ill read "T3H Funn3y" tomorrow... sounds like its pretty amazing ;)

[SmallvilleMan]

That's right, the funny never disappoints. *Takes his seat on the throne.*

I had to do the first episode of season 3, because i was cracking up when clark was on the bike acting all cool. And he was, he actually did his little head shake and had these little grins. Then off course you had Lana crunch up her nose in that episode, all good stuff. The k-site will be awesome, hehehhehe. They will visit certain sections of the board, off course it might be tough to visit certain sections without getting in trouble for flaming:( Oh well......:D

[MOOman0618]

The visit to k-site is going to be awesome! Any plans on when you shall be posting that?

[Cardinal]

After weeks in development, the long-awaited humorous adaptation of Smallvile by our very own SmallvilleMan is finally here...from SVM Productions...(drumroll, please)..."The Funny." :)


Man, if that was an episode you could then have Clark and Lana watching Clark and Lana watching Clark and Lana! :p

I liked it where Lana told Clark that she knew he was coming back 'cause it said so in the script. Also, the part where each one took credit for the quality of their major on-screen kisses was great..."Draw." Had to snicker at that.

A visit to K-Site will take much longer than watching a one-hour DVD, though.

[LuvClana]

HAHA the funny was...FUNNY! PPMS!

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
I had to do the first episode of season 3, because i was cracking up when clark was on the bike acting all cool. And he was, he actually did his little head shake and had these little grins.

Okay, guys, I have a serious confession to make. I can't stand to watch Clark in the bike scenes. He rarely looks bad, but for some reason seeing him in that cheap leather jacket, those glasses that look like supermarket shades on him, and his hair all flat -- I don't know, just ewww. Not sexy at all to me.

I know lots of girls think he looks hot on the bike, but I'm definitely not one of them. I do think he looks great in most of those Kal scenes though -- just not on the bike. I was just watching that ep the other day, so I'm glad you chose that one to poke fun of, SVM.

So, maybe my next fic on this thread should be: What scenes I don't like Clark Kent in.

Umm, nevermind, I just listed all of them. So . . . . The End :D

[linn]

me too

[itsallinthespelling]

hey, this be a request to all you funny writers. i gots an idea, but am not a creative writer. i would love to see a completed story where clark wakes up and is a girl. it can be clana friendship, so y don't ya have lana teachin clark how to act like a girl or somethin. lol,, like i said, i'm not a creative writer, or i do it myself. good luck :D

[NYC300Z]

there is a story on here where Clark and Lana switch bodies did u read that? I think it's on the last page by now....called switch i think?

[MOOman0618]

Really...I must go and read that one.

[SVsleuth]

Finally caught up, y'all. Loved the Prehistoric Smallville, Amnesia Part 2, and SmallvilleMan's "The Funny" stories. Clark & Lana watching Smallville - genius! ;)

[SmallvilleMan]

The Funny is coming!

[LoisNClark]

Yeah!!!!:D
can't wait for the funny!!!

[Cardinal]

Not a-freaking-gain! :p

[SmallvilleMan]

Yes again, BAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHA. The funny mocks you, bahahaahhahaha. Just wait until you see what Clark and Lana think about you.:rotfl:

[clana4ev3r]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
there is a story on here where Clark and Lana switch bodies did u read that? I think it's on the last page by now....called switch i think?

i thought that was Chloe and Lana?

[itsallinthespelling]

naw, it was clark and lana. i just read another one called wishlist, but was never completed in the general action forum. it was good up til where they stopped updating.

[clana4ev3r]

but i know theres one with chloe and lana though...

[LoisNClark]

yep there's one with both and there's a lois and lana one
and a chloe and clark one

[NYC300Z]

where are the other ones??

and the funny is coming again?? can't wait!:D

[linn]

hey did u guys read the story called "A Call To Opens Arms"?
That story is really good and sad,and funny,and dramatic.but i think u guys should check it out..........its really long but the author didn't finish it.......its in the General.Action Adventure and Other.....really i think u guys should check it out its the something about clark's uncle Thor-el comes to Smallville to take clark to war and the way that Thor-el tells cClark how Lana can kill him..........

[itsallinthespelling]

he hasn't finished it because he is in iraq, haven't seen him on in a while though, but i hope he is okay.

[Cardinal]

He's currently on R&R in Canada with his folks for three weeks. He thought he could get some writing done while there.

Yeah, I think his story rocks, it has the best Jalana break-up scene that I've ever read!

[itsallinthespelling]

sweet, glad he is okay.

[MOOman0618]

So who is next to post a funny...I have heard that a second 'The Funny' should be up soonish?

[NYC300Z]

Yeah I promised I'd have the rest of mine posted sometime this weekend...it's not done yet, but I have been working on it and hope to have it posted and done by like I said sometime this weekend.

[linn]

oh sry, i didn't know that i hopes hes okay toooo......

[SmallvilleMan]

the funny is coming......:rotfl:

[itsallinthespelling]

those spams for your "funny" are more pestiferous than my stat homework. :p just post already:D

[SmallvilleMan]

The funny doesn't like to be called out like that. Remember they're visting the k-site, bahahahahahhahha. That includes you, bahahahahhahaha.

[MOOman0618]

Pestiferous is officially my new favorite word!! I especially enjoy the definition:

pestiferous
1. Bearing or bringing disease.
2. Infected with or contaminated by a pestilential disease.
3. Morally evil or dangerous to society; pernicious.

It ofcourse also means bothersome and annoying, but I like morally evil...that describes stat homework better anyhow.

[itsallinthespelling]

:lol:

[LuvClana]

lol all :rotfl: Prehistoric Smallville part 2 comes Saturday at the latest

[itsallinthespelling]

Originally posted by SmallvilleMan
The funny doesn't like to be called out like that. Remember they're visting the k-site, bahahahahahhahha. That includes you, bahahahahhahaha.
i guess i'll have to teach them the english language and amaze them with my artwork :p

[SmallvilleMan]

they dont impress easily.

[itsallinthespelling]

lol, i'm looking foward to your update.

[MOOman0618]

I have a feeling a lot of you guys are going to get burned by Clark and Lana!

[SmallvilleMan]

The Funny, part 2.

"Oh, here's the part where you betray me." Clark giggled.

"Blah blah blah Clark, you think everyone is betraying you. I don't know how many times you've say that. I have you on a 10 count." Lana snapped back.

"Yeah, that coming from the girl who thinks everyone's going to leave her. Boo hoo, get me a tissue." Clark faked crying.

"You'll pay for that one." Lana poked him in the chest. As the scene in the dvd turns to Martha and Jonathon talking about.

"Hey, didn't she play you in Superman 2?" Clark asked.

"Yeah she did, she's a pretty good actress."

"She should be, she's been acting for like 50 years. I thought she was my grandmother when i first saw her."

"I know, it's like why haven't you retired yet?" Lana grinned.

"But she is kind of hott for an old woman." Clark said nodding his head. The scene is now Jonathon going to see Jor-el.

"Hey, it's the guy from the dukes of Hazard." Lana yelled.

"Yeah, i kind of figured that out the first day he was here." Clark mocked Lana.

"Oh geez, we're not all super smart like you are." Lana snapped back.

"Well, what kind I say?" Clark puts his hands behind his head and leans back.

"How about nothing? That would be a nice change of pace." Lana laughed at him.

"Very funny." The movie ends and they decide to go on their computer. Clark sits down and Lana takes her place on his lap.

"So, what site do we want to check out today?" Clark asked.

"How about the kryptonSite? I heard it's pretty good." Lana suggested.

"Sounds good." Clark does his thing and then they're on the k-site.

"Hey look, it's a picture of everyone and then another picture of just me, you, Chloe and Lex." Lana acknowledged.

"You look hott and hehehehe, look at Jason in that picture. It's like he's trying so hard to get in it. He's all the way in the back, like he's an extra or something." Clark laughs.

"Geez, Clark you look pretty upset in those two pictures. What happen? Bad hair day?" Lana laughs at him.

"Well, it's better than being bald like Lex." Clark said.

"True, hey let's see what the posters here think of Smallville." Lana says, then Clark clicks on the forums.

"How about we go to the fanfiction first?" Clark asks and Lana nods.

"Let's go to the Clark and Lana section of the board." Lana tells him.

"Where else we go? You didn't think we would go any where else did you?" Clark asks surprised.

"Off course not, just wanted to make sure. I couldn't stand going in the Lois or Chloe and Clark section." Lana says sticking out her tongue. Clark clicks on the clark and lana section.

"Wow, there's a lot of stories. Let's read, Emtional Detachment." Clark and Lana read the story.

"Nicely done, but the authur didn't finish." Clark said.

"I hate that, when people start a story and don't finish."

"Lana, she's only a 15 year old girl. I mean she probably has more important things to do, like paint her finger nails." Clark laughs.

" Don't make fun of her for doing that, i did that.....When I was 6." Lana giggles.

"Oh well, let's try Cardinal's odds and ends." Clark said.

"No thanks, i don't care about odds and ends. What's that have to do with us? He could be talking about his poker stratergy." Lana said with disinterest.

"Okay, how about "How this time will be different?" Clark asked.

"Sounds good, i loved that line from you. Kind of turned me on." Lana blushed.

"I'll remember that later tonight." Clark said with a huge smile. Clark and Lana read the story.

"I thought it was well written, except for the middle part of the story that put me to sleep." Lana is sleeping. "WAKE UP LANA." Clark yelled.

"WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, i fell asleep for a second there." Lana said wiping her eyes.

"You shouldn't have, because the story gets better." Clark ponts for Lana to read on from where she left off.

"Oh cool, i want magic powers just like that Lana."

"They are cool, so what'd you think of the story?" Clark asked.

"I liked it after the boring part. This afinn is a pretty good writter." Lana acknowledges.

"I like her name, afinn, every time i see it. I think afinn the dolphin." Clark giggles.

"Has a nice ring to it." Lana says nodding her head. "Although, she and her fans might not like."

"Yeah, the fans that her praise her like she's the pope?" Clark says rolling his eyes.

"That's them, although i can't blame them. I love reading good clana, but i do enjoy making my real clana here." Lana and Clark share a long passionate kiss.

They break the kiss, "So Lana, what other stories do you want to read?" Clark asks.

"I think i've read enough for tonight. Maybe they'll get better tomorrow." Lana sighs.

"Hey, it could be worse. We might have gone into another ship section, although the rated R section does seem tempting."

Lana pulls on his shirt, "Easy big fella." They both laugh and head off to bed.

[itsallinthespelling]

lol, great update, was rolling at the poker strategy part.
and was really :rotfl: when i read the painting nails part

[MOOman0618]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


Oh my gosh! The funny was well worth the wait! That had me laughing outloud the entire time! Will there be more? There is so much more to make fun of here!

[SmallvilleMan]

there is more to make fun off and it will be made fun of.

[NYC300Z]

:lol: great job Smallvilleman! liked it even better than the original! :lol::lol: more poking fun at 4ever! that name so suits her now....kind of feel bad for her though!:p

[itsallinthespelling]

when can we expect the next facetious update smallvilleman?

[SmallvilleMan]

Clark and Lana will visit the FanFic discussion section and they will talk about some posters. They will probably also visit the spolier section of the board and the character section.

[NYC300Z]

that's cool :cool: can't wait to read that Smallvilleman!